It was a cloudy day.

The thick fog that rolls in,
that causes you not to be able to see more
than 20 feet ahead of you;
it's life.

It's the rolling fog that reminds us that
we can't see everything.
It reminds us that we cannot control everything,
because we can only see 15 feet ahead of ourselves.
15 steps into our future,
and after 15 steps
It's as if we fall off into an abyss.

A white sheet over our eyes.

Its' the dense fog that rolls in th at reminds us that we are
human.

That we are small.
 and that we have no control over anything,
besides our current actions of the current moment.

Moped.Moped.Moped.

I FRICKEN WANT A MOPED.
MORETHANANYTHING!
THISONETHISONETHISONETHISONE!

ohmygoditssofrickencuteIcanbarelycontrolmyselfIneeditnow.
And I want a whole outfit to go with....

you need the jacket and the scarf....

you need boots to match the jacket.

and these to match.

All of this would make me a happyyyy girl :) 

Very happy,

Yes.

I. Want. A. Tattoo.

Like this!

And I want it exactly like this. Same spot and everything. IT"S SO FRICKEN COOL.

And like this!

Somehow, I'm not sure where yet, but I do want a sparrow tattoo more than anything. Either right here or on my wrist.

and I'm not sure how I want this one, but I want this to be my only color tattoo, and that would be it.

Because Koi fish are so pretty.

It's not just Allergies, or else I'm Allergic to you.

Spring brings my heart sorrow.
Spring brings confusion, and second guesses. Spring doesn't care, but I like to think spring doesn't mean to.
Spring hurts and beckons with false promises to me and to the lake. Spring is a people pleaser. She wants to make everyone happy.
She gives me sun one day.
She give the cold lake wind the next.
She brings rain to kill the snow and more snow to make sleet.
Spring brings my heart sorrow.
Brain chemicals don't know what to do.
It's impossible to do anything when spring comes because she doesn't want you here.
She doesn't make it nice enough to go outside,
but she doesn't make it bad enough to stay inside.
Spring holds the heart of a fickle woman.
Spring
Holds
My
Heart
in
Her
Fist
and
Squeezes.

It's more common than you think.

So i've found this internet comic thing, and it's pretty bad, but I can't stop reading and wanting the merchandise.
I<3HipsterHitler
And now for some short stories and poems and rants.
Rant numero uno:
It's so hard when you've spent so much time on this thing and now you're watching it
crash and unfold in minutes. But the more you watch, you hit the rewind button and
are starting to put each puzzle piece into it's place and suddenly realize that this isn't the end,
this is the result of many endings that no one noticed.(sad background music).
And I'm sad. I'm really, really, really sad. But I know that if I don't do this, for myself,
I'll lose myself. I'll slowly give up every part of myself so that you can thrive. Until I'm completely a shell,
and empty shell with no life inside. But I've found a hermit crab, myself, to live in this shell. I'm realizing that it fits perfect. I was meant to live as me. I was meant to be free and alive. So I will.
I'm going to free myself. I'm going to go live. I'm going to be me.
But I'll miss you. I'll be sad. Because this is not how I wanted it to end.
I'm scared to go through it all. I'm scared to divide our lives, but if I don't I won't have a life,
and life isn't meant to be safe. It's not meant to be comfortable. It's meant to be adventured. It's meant to be explored. So I'm done with this chapter. Time to turn the page.

Rant numero Dos.
Crap, I don't remember, so instead here's a freewrite from Nature Writing.

I've always wanted to go to a beach where you can still find giant sea shells and sea turtles and all of those things. I think beaches should be made part of national parks instead of city owned public places, where people have the power to destroy. It's horrible. I know I've done bad and didn't even live up to my own expectations, but I try and for the most part I can see that if I voice my contradictive to myself feelings someone will listen. I'm not God, but I still have a voice.
I've ended two rants/stories now. I'd be happy if he said done. SOON! please, soon. PLEASE! I seriously can't write anymore about the starfish. Unless he changed it without saying!! I oh, no. I think he did. Ah I heard a (unreadable word...) click my hand is tickely and dead . I've written about these slides before. I'm going to read my creative writing journal tonight. Ugh. I hate it when he just clicks them to a new slide and says nothing. A part of my learning I need direction, oh my god. I know I NEED direction. I can't do online school. I can't but I want freedom so I'm going to anyway because of me missing school. Oh I really (rest of sentence omitted). I wish I didn't but I do. A lot . I want to know (rest of sentence omitted). A lot, do I want to know. Oh, Amber and I are hanging out tonight. I'll see if she wants to hang out at erikas. because I just don't feel like leaving aunties house today. I don't know how to manage my money .I should learn how to treat money like ***.

^^Uhm well I suppose it flows. Kinda?

I remember now!
I want to. It has become a life goal of mine. I am going to hike the Appalachia Mountain Trail or whatever it's called.
I'm going to. It's going to be great. AND I'm going to hike the ENTIRE THING. Beginning to end.








Okay. Now it's going to be like one of those "Pick your ending" stories. But with music.
For a happy ending choose ending one
for a melancholy ending choose ending two
for an I don't care ending choose ending three

One
two
Three

Okay so this is the continuation of the previous blog. Its easier to text it, because of the severe lack of lag. Which totally sucks balls yo. So im in this symposium called trail building. It makes me want to slowly drink dead babies through a straw. Which is really gross, and I would never. But this class makes me want to. Which sucks. But anyway I have like one friend, krissa, who I would have died without! Im trying to have an even tan this year. But nope. Already screwed that up. Tan NEck white back. White back, even whiter butt. Great :) no it sucks! Im ready foe a spray tan or something. Jeez. Also I've never been sunburnt. Or any skin Sun problem. But i want to know what it feels like. Just to say I've been burnt :)

i could just text this... but.

Im gonna just Man upand do it from my phone. My internet typing has severe lag, so I apologize for any severe typos.
Ah screw this