I'm going to get a tattoo.
On my wrists.
I know, some people might be thinking, "Morgan. You're too Young to be making this kind of decision."
And I haven't made a ton of great decisions in my life.
But, I know that Ican't be sad about this one.
Because I'm goin to get my grandmothers name.
And that's very important to me.
"Well, what about your modeling?"
If a fricken photographer can add or take away hips or my waist size. If they can get rid of my mole on my face,
or add make up or whatever, EVEN SHAVE SOMEONE.
How hard is it to blend away a tiny tattoo?
I woulndn't think too hard.
So today is going better than yesterday. Which is fine.
And I just want to thank everyone who made my birthday as wonderful as they could have made it.
And that I have eaten almost half of all of my laffy taffys. It's sick.
But those are my favorite things in the whole world.
I will eat them until I'm sick, and I've done so.
I'm on my way down to Madison WI.
I'll be back on sunday afternoon I believe.
Also for my birthday, I received sixteen canvases.
I have so many ideas. Like, *insert image of morgans brain with little gears and things turning.*
But I need to paint this one picture for this lady whom I promised I would paint for.
I have this idea for her, of like a block patterned background in like an ochre-y yellow color.
And then vine-y grass in a marron-ish brown color, with white butterflies.
But I want the butterflies to be stamp like. so i need to make a stamp.
And Now I feel kinda bad because I don't know the names of the colors, and I feel hypocritical,
because I was complaining about this person who wants to be a photographer but doesn't know how to work teh lighting settings on her camera.
I would say that this is the equivalent of that.
I don't know the colors names , and she doesn't know the settings.
So I will now shut my mouth about all of that. But I'm really excited to paint.
I have a lot of ideas, but it seems that lately i do not have the energy to do anything.
I am so tired all of the time.
I just want to sleep, and sleep and sleep. And no ammount of caffeine will keep me awake.
Though I'm also not very sensitive to caffeine as in the affects of my wakefulness, but if I drink it on an empty stomach I get sick. But that also depends on the coffee too. Like those gas station starbucks frappuccino's I can drink those to no end, but they're full of milk and things more than they are coffee.
I love shots.
Of expresso that is. I can knock those back like a college kid with an alcohol problem.
*I know, really bad example.
They're good though.
Just tasty little bitter cups of caffeine.
Also, if I'm devoid of caffeine and I drink something with a lot of it in it
I can feel it.
I feel it in my veins and when I drink it, I feel my pupils react.
I know that all of what I'm saying is more than likely a pyschological effect of drinking the coffee,
but it makes me feel goooooddd.
anyways.
So my moms friend was trying to get me to sign up for the national gaurd.
And I personally am anti-war, anti-things like that.
I mean come on, puerto rico hasn't had an active military for a longg time. That's awesome.
Why can't the whole world be like that? Because we're all greedy bitches.
And so i was being classic morgan and not really speaking up for myself at the initial part of this whole thing, and being all wishy washy like I usually am. And this recruiter was a RECRUITER. Let me tell you.
She was promising me all sorts of things, and i'm sure some of it could be true.
But I've done my homework. I've googled and searched and read things about the nat. gaurd.
And I don't like it.
I don't like any of it.
And so this mornign when I was doing homework and chem and stuff, my mom was upstairs filling out paperwork for me, and being all "Yeah, morgan wants her college to be completely paid for."
But what she doesn't raelize is that if I got a good manager I could pay for my college AND retire from a good few years of modeling. If I made it big.
But I don't mind being in debt from school. I mean yeah, it's going to suck. But scholarships and financial aid and stuff will help. But I like the idea of being a starving artist, whether my art is being a psychologist, designer, model, photographer, tattoo artist. You know, jobs morgan would like or be good at.
And so I when I came upstairs to get some things to munch on while working, they were marking what nationality I was.
And not only did they mark pacific islander, they marked latin (which is sort of right, I have portugese inside of me somewhere) and white and Native. I am not native in any way. Not even a tiny bit. But they marked it.
And chuck was pushing for black. He wanted to mark me down as black. I'm not black. At all.
I mean I wouldn't mind being black. They have absolutly beautiful skin and they're beautiful. I would love to be black.
Anywho. so then they were making racist jokes. Which were funny but not at the same time.
And then they were making jokes about marking me down as Jewish. Which I don't think is very funny at all. Because I'm kinda jewish. I know a lot about jewish religion, and a little bit about the culture. And it's beautiful. Especially their belief that there isn't an afterlife, and what you get here is your reward. What you get now is all that you get. And I think there is something just beautiful about that.
So anyways. After they left, I was freaking out.
Like, oh my god. Did my mother just enlist me? Am I going to go fight and shit?
I dont' even weigh 100 pounds. I can't do that.
I can't even kill a fly on my own. I know that I'm being extreme, but I'm just sayin'.
Even if I wasn't going to go shoot things, I don't think I would be ready to even go to a different country in a uniform to "fight" even if "fighting" meant that I was driving shit to different bases. What if I got bombed?
I could not work in the medcal houses either. All of those dying people? Disease, and infections. It saddens me.
I would grow such a thick skin over myself that I would be so traumatized I couldn't let anything in to fix it.
I mean how do you fix it?
My grandfather, whom I never knew before he went to war, but I can still see the change. The older that I get i can still see the different things about him that war and killing people and watching people get killed has done to him. And even though he cna't get that fixed he hides it. He burries it deep inside of himself. And I love him, and that alone is a lot , and that I could never be that way.
I try not to wear my heart on my sleeve, but sometimes it sneaks out of my chest cavity and just sits there and watches the world around me. It looks around and sighs happily at the clouds or it giggles at silly things people say to me. And sometimes my heart blushes when it sees people it likes. And it cries, and it gets hurt and it rushes me to places where no one can see me and it cries with me.
But anyways, so once I started voicing my opinions (with the help of anti flag chillin in the background, just to add to the extremist-ness of it) and she finally gave into my wanting to get out of it.
But as she was finally agreeing with what I was saying, Chuck (the guy who's wife was trying to get me to join) called and was all like, "so we wanted to check Morgan's BMI and she's three points under what she has to be at to join. So we can't put her in. She can't do anything. She's too small."
I have never been so happy to be underweight in my entire life. Seriously.
Three points under my recomended bmi, and i'm on my period. Which means I'm bloated and weight like five more pounds than I should.
I am so happy I am underweight. (but at the same time i'm not, becaues i want to be normal weight. so i can donate blood)
So my mom and I are going to Madison right?
Rigth.
And so we were getting gas and I notticed this guy sitting on the corner with a back pack right?
And I knew he wanted a ride.
Well I talked my mom into giving him a ride.
And he was really nice. (:
And he only needed to go like two miles.
But in his defense he was really old.
And he was all, "You know, people today just don't do nice things anymore. Especially beautiful young women. I'm not going to pull anything, except kindness. So thank you, so much. God bless you two."
Also, Madison is like Hick Ville central.
My lord.
