A finished project is a wonderful project.

Alrighty. So that post before this post is the unedited version.
Here, for all of you I present a wonderfully edited and well thought out project.
Enjoy.

I can’t help but think.

Morgan Le Kander

“A love like that was a serious illness, an illness from which you’ll never entirely recover.”- Charles Bukowski. It just is. Slowly it causes me to nitpick through myself, and so I see it through the eyes of a cynical woman. As I slowly succumb to the idea, the idea of love being this serious illness. An illness that seeps into a person’s soul and sends them spiraling down into a state of pallor. From that first glance, an exchange of smiles. Then we traded the sparks in our eyes for these flames in our hearts growing with time as we sat in parks. And these flames grow hot, singeing our skin. When I realize, love hurts. Then I’m wondering what cancer feels like, for I feel that it must be something like this. These cells inside of me, dividing and growing, growing and dividing. There’s no cure, no script to teach me to stop loving, no directions to make this end. This cancer is contagious. This is why we are all sick. I sound bitter, but in truth… it’s just the meds. Small orange pills that send my mind careening into hallways, leading this cynical women to doors, which behind hide all the answers, to why I so hate love. But even that is a lie, because I love every tear that falls down my face as I am destroyed by the very thought of falling, falling… for you. My fear of losing this feeling that rids of me of clear thoughts and tosses me, quite violently, into these torturous endeavors. But I don’t mind,

 I am caught in the moment. 

Free Write.

So here's a sample of something that I wrote for class.
Why I'm sharing. I'm not sure.
But here it is.

“A love like that was a serious illness, an illness from which you’ll never entirely recover.”- Charles Bukowski. Right now this is the quiote that I’m thinking of. When freewriuting this is the thing that I wish to write about . I had once done a poetry review on him. And my teacher liked my review answer about his poetry just being “it’. The way that he wrote just is. And I like that. I like things being just it. Just the way that they supposed to be. Wow that was ahorrible grammar. And that was horrible spelling and that was a horrible thing for me to nit pick through myself like that when I’m just typing away. Typing all of these thoughts away onto this document . And then I’m thinking back to that quote. The one that I have as my first sentence and I’mt hinking that he’s right. In every way even if he was a mean spirited cynical peson he  was right about one thing and that’s that love is a serious illness that no matter what you will never recover from. No matter how much time elapses from the moment that you gaze upon a person from the moment that you two exchange glances and smiles and inside jokes there will never be a time when you can just stop loving. No matter how many timest hey wrong you or hurt you you will always love them. And that’s why it’s an illness for which there is no cure. That is why love is cancerous. And it’s strange when we’re young we are taught to love people and things and the world and and we are taught to be nice and care and just love things to no end, but never not once are we taught to learn how to stop loving things. We never learn how to just let things go and move on. And that is why we are all sick from the moment we are born into this worl. We are are sick from this disease that we are born into. A huge society of cancerous emotions and there is no cure. There will never be acure. And now I understand that I sound bitter on the topic and that I sound upset and just overall cycnical myself on the topic, but I’m not. I love being sick with these emotions. I love the heart wrenching feelings that I get when I am hurt, I love every tear that falls down my face when I am frusterated to no end because I cannot bear to lose this feeling of love for the things and people around me. I love this disease that rids me of clear thinking.  I love the emotions that plague me as I go through withdrawls of feelings of bliss and enjoyment. I love every torturous endeveor that love brings to me. And I am in love with being in love and I fall so easily into it. And I never fall so easily out. Once I’m in I’m in. And it’s a curse and a blessing all in the same moment.

Beautiful entities in my bedroom.

So. Once I start a blog. Then I have to make another blog.
You know? It's like tattoos. Once you get one, then you have to get another one.
(; See what I did there.
Alright.
So a few things I'm going to address in this blog.
0.) Why Erika should follow my Tumblr at work.
1.) Rant.
2.) Things in my bedroom.
3.) Why hank won't sleep with me.
3.5.) Alaska Bitches.
4.) other shit.

0.) Look we all know that you go and read my blog during your break at work. And that afterwards you delete your internet history. It's not a big deal. Everyone does it. Well, no. But that's okay. But I really think that you should add my tumblr to the other internet sites that you find yourself deleting from your history after your lunch break for many reasons. 1.) I post some really funny shit. 2.) I post some really cool fashion. 3.) Sometimes I forget to blog here and only blog there. So to keep up with me you might want to follow that too. 4.) heres the link.   itsokayimasian.tumblr.com  *Copy&&Paste. (:

1.) Alright. You know what? Fuck everything. Fuck the world. Fuck the cold bitter wind that is seeping through the invisible fucking cracks of my window. Fuck this darkness that settling into even the furthest crevices of marrow in my bones. Fuck this sinking feeling that is dragging me deeper and deeper into my own thoughts of existentialism and what it means to be a person and how I’m not even a single grain of a fucking human being. Fuck all of that. Fuck this shit.

Because I’m getting off of tumblr. I’m going to do something, 

and I’m going to be great.

*Tumblr window is going to be left up the laptop. I’m just going to move away from the computer for a moment and actually do something. Maybe. 

**probably just go put chapstick on. and then come back to tumblr&Blogging&Facebook.

2.) So I went through this giant luggage case that has been and more than likely still will be sitting in my closet and it's full of wonderful art projects taht I've done in the past both at home and at school and other institutional functions where I was told to create art. And So i'm rippin' that badboy open on a quest, because you don't just open a luggage case full of art. That's nonsense, because it's much more complicated than that. But anyways. So I'm opening it, err rippin' that badboyy oppeenn YEEEE and I see my *Journal. and I grab that mutha fuckah and I toss it on the bed** and then I grab this awesome hot air baloon painting that I did like over a year ago and I'm seeing all of these things that I have done and that i did. And this series that was up in starbucks once, and I'm just in awe of the things that I once did. And the person i once was. And i want her back. I want to be like her once more. and do the things that she did and be cool. So I am goign to .

3.) Hank Won't sleep with me. He hasn't for, well this is the second night in a row *INSERT REALLY REALLY REALLY SAD FACE HERE* And he always does this to me for a few nights after I come home late, so it's like on the weekends he won't sleep with me, but on the weeknights life is all "Hey baby gurrrrllll let's dooo this thannnggg" (*No. I do not promote bestiality. That is disgusting. But this is Hank. And he's a major sex symbol so he has to say things like this. End of story.*) And then hops up on my bed and shakes it and then stretches and shakes my bed some more and looks around and wonders "Lol. Wut da fuck. Wuz dat an Errrth Kwake?" (yeah. he speaks ebonics too.) But so tonight I'm alll Alooonnneee and lonely in my bed. Without a cat to cuddle. #mylifeissosad.

3.5)  DUDE. OH MY GOD. So I was looking at my blog stats right? And It highlighsts like all of the places that your blog is popular in. And my blog is all popular and shit (Popular is a strong word. Let's rephrase and use read by) my blog is being read by people in the upper midwest.... AND ALASKA. DUDE> HOLY FUCKING BALLS> HI ALASKA. HOW ARE YOU? HOW'S RUSSIA DOING? Lol. Just kidding. But srsly, you let us know if they start to invade. 

4.) Other shit. Don't remember. Don't care.

*Journal. This journal has a really interesting story. That story being a personal one. but hey you know what? I'm gonna put that shit up here cause this is my personal blog. So this journal is kind of how I "came out" to my parents/immediate family. I wasn't ready to come out to them. Not at all. I wasn't even really sure what it was that I was (*Don't worry. I know that I still dont' completely believe in sexual orientation. One (Roughly) 25% of the world population is completely either straight or gay. the rest of us, the 75% are in fact naturally Bi-sex-u-al.) but my mother was all "Whooaaa. Read. This. Shit." but to my face was all "My friend Katie thought it was her friends notebook that she left at her house." And then I'm thinking, "Dude. How the fuck did that get in her house?!?"  Anyways. So then my mother cried non-stop for like a week. And I was all, in my head, "Dude. She knows." And then idk it became this hugee fuckin' issue (Mainly with other issues tied into this notebook that I absolutley do not wish to post on the internet.) but it became this huge issue and I was always crying. and my mother was always crying and Auntie was all "Biiitttchhh that don' mean youuu lurrveee herrrr." (Love you Erika.) And so yeah. So it has a lot of history. 

***I'm reading it and it's makin' me tear up. And all of the holes in dates makes me really sad too.

Insight.

Alright. So here’s a literal wordy blog post rather than blogs about images and cats and things. So I want to change who I am. I want to be someone who is not me. I just want to let go of all of the things that are me that I don’t like. I want to shed a few inches of skin and warm my body up because tonight I feel creative. I feel alive and I feel like I can make something happen, but my house is so cold and I can’t. I simply cannot get out of my bed and do anything because then it means that I will be chilled to the bone. Which in my case is not cool, not at all. My mother was supposed to be here today. She’s not. She was supposed to be here tomorrow. She won’t be. And then she wonders why I have sort of detached myself from her; because I do not enjoy being let down. I don’t like this up and down of waiting for answers. I don’t like being excited only to be let down immensely. Because I mean, yeah I sort of don’t like my mom but that doesn’t mean I’m not excited to see her. I haven’t seen her in like a month. So yeah, I did kind of want to see her and have her shower me in gifts and things to show her love for me… and to get my clothes back and my license and social security card… Anyways. 

So I’ve quit wearing bras. Yep. It’s official I do not wear them any longer. Nope.  Nada. (Well I’m probably going to throw one on in a few days, but for the time being. I’ve decided I don’t need them. I don’t have enough stuff there to wear them.) 

There were other things I wanted to sort of blog about but for the life of me I cannot remember. 

Also. It's not that I dont' remember (I don't actually.) I just have otehr things that I am now remembering to blog about. Like my video for school. 

Click*to*watch 

It has reached eight views. 

EIGHT FUCKING VIEWS. How dope is that? Srsly. Haha, 

anywhoo. So remember that video I posted awhile ago that has no sound and me messing around?

Well here it is in clips. Not as funny, but i'm slightly proud of myself and had it had some nice voice over ior someshit it might've been cool. 

Maybe. 

Actually just kidding. The above note is a tease because blogger doesn't like it when I add videos right now.

STFU blog. No one likes you anyways. Everyone likes tumblr. 

Wait. is that why you're being a bitch to me? Is it because I've neglected you and started tumbling? 

I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't take it personally,  it's just that tumblr is tumblr. and you're you. 

You're still the real deal but ...

Shit this is awkward...

My wedding photos are in!

So that first dress is my absolute favorite dress in the entire world. Like.

I would kill someone for it,

It';s so "me" 

as far as wedding dresses would go.

"Book Addict"

I'm the largest creep in the world.
Fo' Real.
I saw this bumper sticker on this car that I was behind on my way home this night,
And there was this fuckin' awesome red and black bumper sticker that was all badass and shit.
and it said
"Book Addict"
And I followed this guy.
(He was going almost all the way to my house!)
and I tail gaited him.
I was basically just all up on his ass.
And then I was driving next to him (right. next, to. him)
and was trying to get the courage to wave or some shit and be all
"DUDE> OMFG, WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR BUMPER STICKER?!>!"
But he looked all gangster and shit.
so I was confused by that.
And also scared to say anything.
He was a white gangster, *just creatin' pictures.
not being racist.
duh.
Well.
I forgot all of the other cool
no I didn't.
I remembered.
So I went thriftin' with my grandmother today.
And I can hear some of you groaning. "ewww. thrifting is gross. whine whine whine."
STFU.
I'm asain and can do what- No.
I'm morgan and I can do whatever the fuck I want.
Besides. I don't want to look like everyone else who shops at the mall.
I mean yeah whatevs your dresses and cardigans are cute and stuff.
(But does he know how to wind you up. dun dundduuund dun dun dun)
But seriously. YOU ALL LOOK THE SAME>
GET SOME FUCKIN STYLE.
OR
GTFO.
Seriously.
But I got a giiiaant knit sweater that has shapes and shit on it.
and a skirt thing. like a hippie skirt.
and scarves up the ass. So many scarves. I love scarves.
and jewelries.
PEARLS PEARLS PEARLS>
FUcking love me some pearls.
And a basket for sewing things.
and that's all.
I think.
And I received another sewing machine (i like it better than the one my white grandma gave me. ... )
Anyway.



END.

To Blog. Or Not to blog.

Is not something I would ever ask myself.
Because the answer will always be : To blog.
which is what I'm doing.
So i've noticed a strange weight gain in my body recently.
(I know I'm skinny, But I'm just sayin'.)
And It freaked me out because I felt like I had gained a LOT of weight.
But the more I examined my body the more I realized that  it wasn't my body that gained weight.
It was mainly just my boobs.
Which is a good bad things.
Good, because you know. Having a nice chest is nice. I suppose.
Bad because I'm short.
Short people with a large chest  makes them look shorter. And rounder.
Ah the horror.
Who gives a fuck. I certainly don't anymore.
My chest is larger. End of story, moving on.
So my breakfast today is the healthiest in the world.
Laffy taffy.
So delicious.
I had bananas, and strawberries, and grapes and even sour apples!
So healthy!
So my other blog (the other one that I started but never really blogged on. :P )
I shared it with my classmates yesterday in advisory.
Which is scary and not.
Because some kid was all "Oh you want to be a designer, model, journalist? make a fashion blog."
and I was all. "I already have one. Bitch"
and then the teacher was all "Link us up"
and i know I have tons more blogs abotu fashion on this blog.
But I use the word fuck a lot.
and bitch.
and my life story is on this blog.
I don't want my classmates to be all "Shit dude. this girls life is fucked up"
and then my teachers would be all "dayyyummm.t his isn't school apropriate. why did you share this with us?"
and I'd be all "Only look at the fashion posts!"
but they wouldn't.
There's a picture of me in my underwear somewhere on this blog.
There's also pictures of me with just fans.
So, no this blog is not for my classmates to look at.
That would be weird.

I have everything and nothing to blog about .

I went on a mini road trip today.
Yessirree I did.
I'm like almost two weeks behind in homework, but it doesn't matter Road trips are wonderful wonderful.
But it was wayyy up the north shore and my friend Joey (Official explorer friend) found this place on the north shore
where all of the water is blue.
Like as blue as blue as blue can be.
And it's absolutely beautiful. And there was this giant flat rock surface thing that  i want to throw a party on.
I just think that it would be awesomely amazingly fantastic.
I'm going back there soon to take pictures so that you may see how incredible this place is.

Oh my god. I lost a follower on twitter. Shit man. I need to make more interesting posts!
*Le checking twitter again. to make sure.
Okay. so someone raelly did unfollow me. but someone took their place.
I'm still holding a wonderful seven followers. I know. People need to just calm down.

I have sketched out my first creation.
I have most of the material.
Now i just need some energy.
I'm so exhausted.
I'm not sad.
Well kinda.
But not as sad as I would normally be.
You know?
I'm not thinking about how alone I am.
I'm just thinking taht I'm sad.
And you know what.
It's okay to be sad sometimes.

Very last post for the day. Maybe even the week. (Or atleast a few days)

I really want to try and only post once a day. But there are so many things that can happen in one day of my life.
And then there are days where nothing happens and I still post five thousand times...
I got a twitter.
Yeah.
I don't know why. But I did.
I haven't posted...er tweeted. Yet.
But I will.
Maybe that's where I'll put most of my dumb things that I think of my life.
You'know?
Riiight.

So I hope that no one will ever tell me that I live my life without art.
Or that I have no devotion to the art that I make.
Because I am an artist.
No matter what anyone says.
I just hope that no one ever tells me differently.
Because
I just ruined my toothbrush for the sake of art.
My. TOOTH BRUSH.
(I'm still going to use it.)
Because so I have this silk screen for screen printing. (Which is a fricken awesome medium
and I'm thinking about making a tutorial later. via blog. because I feel like there are people out there who would enjoy knowing how to screen print also!)
And I used a drawing fluid method (which basically means that I made a negative of the image that I wanted to print out.
So I filled the screen in in all of the places that I did not want to come throuhg and left blank the places that I
wanted to to show up on my shirt.
Simple enough right?
Right (The print came out a lot smaller. or maybe the shirt was a lot bigger than i had hoped.) hah
but being me i misread the labeling on the chemical jars and instead of reading "Emulsion remover" which is hwat is was. I read "drawing fluid remover" I know. Morgan.
How the hell do you make that mistake?
Uhhh not reading correctly and being forgetful.
Ah but that was not the last of my blunders.
I told my father to pick up washing soda. (Texting washing soda, and thinking that washing soda and baking soda were the same thing) But he comes home. And I forgot the recipe to make the solution to clean the drawing fluid off and so i google it.
and to my dismay baking and washing are two different things.
So I panic. and do more googling (because my dad would flip if he found out htat i told him to get the wrong thing... which now that i think abotu it. i didn't tell him to get the wrong thing. he got the wrong thing... anyways)
so after more googling i find that you can clean drawing fluid with detergent. thank goodness.
And so i did.
But my father also neglected to pick up a toothbrush (thati so kindly asked him to get)
and said there was a brush in the drawer by the sink.
Yeah. A wire brush that would rip my screen!
And being the kind sister that I am I did not use my brothers toothbrush. My father would know instantly if i used his.
So Being the dedicated artist that i truly am (wow i'm so lame)
I picked up my toothbrush and scrubbed away.
and now it's kinda ruined.
But that's okay.
It's still a nice usable toothbrush.
Anyone wanna make out?



lol.

This is A Service Message for Erika Runstrom.

I know you're on your break right now.
Killing time reading this.
because this is what you do with your lunchbreaks.
So Hey why don't you email yourself those pictures
and then email them to me.
So I can blog about it.

email?
mlekander@live.com

(Joey Billings. If you run a spam thingie and send me five thousand emails. Karma will get you.)

This is a weird blog.
I feel weird.
Wow.
I'm so happy.
happy happy happy.
Why didn't my mom like being on anti-depressants?
Oh yeah. because she felt like it wasn't her. And it was actually a pill that was controlling her life/.
Sometimes I think she did harder drugs that my Jesus Uncle.
Who did or almost did lithium. Which sounds pretty hard to me.
And he had a tongue peircing.
I wonder if he has tattoos.
Just kidding.
No I don't ,
my grandfather would have killed him.
I bet he'd like my tattoos though.
Because I'm the favorite.
Wow.
This is the best service message ever.
It's like if twittter did service messages.
"Beep. Beep. This service message is brought to you by twitter. Megan fox's nose just fell off and has revealed to the world that she is in fact a robot. Thankyou. Beep beep beep."
"Beep Beep This service message is brougth to you by twitter. Obama just went number two in my house. Thank you. Beep Beep Beep."
Wow.
Those are dumb.
It's like watching Vh1.
Which I love.
To watch with auntie.
Oh my god.I watched night at the rothberry. or wahtever itrwas called.
and it was kinda funny.
and i remember watching it as a little child.
Like little  that i lived in a white house and my brother was barely even a person.
i wonder how he survived all of the times i choked him.
I don't know why I did. It wasn't out of murderous means. I just really wanted people to listen to me sing
my fricken ABC's and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Not look at a dumb baby.
Who should have been a girl.
If he was born a girl. I probably wouldn't have choked him.
Just sayin'

Little Kitty Feeling Lonely.

Alrighty My Goodness.
It's been a few days since I've posted. (not that i truly believe anyone notices. But whatever.)
So I've started these anti-depressants right?
And by golly. I do not think I should drink coffee or have caffeine when I am on them.
Unless, you know, I want to go crazy.
Which I've found is extremely hilarious.
But anyways. So yesterday was "Morgan Get's everything she's ever wanted day"
A sewing machine (CHECK)
A screen printing kit (Check)
and cute boots (CHeck.)
I feel like there was more but I don't remember.
Who cares anyways too because that's cool shit right there.
But anyways so my pill.
It makes me nauseus. A lot. Like I just force fed myself breakfast because I was nauseus and nothing tastes good. *Insert big ol' sad face here* Not even sun chips are delicious to me right now. The only thing that  I want is to drink. Which is a side effect. No I don't have diabetes. So lot's of water for me! Which is good because I hardly ever drink water. But gross at the same time because the water at my house is disgusting.
But so yesterday I didn't eat a ton. But I drank a lot. A lot of coffee (A mocha mocha from perkins) and a campfire mocha (dark chocolate on ice) from caribou (and i heard on ice makes them more caffeinated. I don't know how andi t's probably wrong. but still. itw as on ice.) and then a pepsi. Hi. Wow.
Can you say Hyper?
I was freaking out. I was shaking; like tremors. And talking five thousand words a minute and just so unbelievably happy that my face felt uncomfortable if I was not smiling.
So I smiled a lot.
And said basically everything that came to my mind.
And now I'm wondering. (It was most definitely the caffeine (And my severe lack of salt in my body which is also a side effect; low salt levels. which i need to learn to maintain.)) do my meds give me adhd? can they give me AdHd?
(Oh when I was having my freak out we called le hospital and they were all "Yeah. Eat salt." And I was all "OH MY GOD> SALT? BUT EVERTHING MAKES ME NAUSUES. WOULN'T IT BE FUNNY IF INSTEAD OF GROSS THINGS COMING UP WHEN YOU PUKED IT REVERSED EVERTHING THAT HAPPEDN AND IT WAS A HOLE FOOD?! WOW. THAT WOULD BE SO WEIRD. JUST WATCH SOMEONE THROW UP A WHOLE THANKSGIVING DINNER. LOLOLOLOLOL.OHM Y GOD. YOU NEED TO TRY ARCHYTYPING YOURSELF. IT'S SO FRICKENCOOL. I DID MINE ANDI LOOKED AT THEPROSTITUTE CARD BUT I DIDN'T PICK IT. I'M NOT A PROSTITUTE BUT I FEEL LIKE MY MOM WOULD SUBCONCIOUSLY PICK IT. IN FACT I WOULD FORCE HER TO. THAT'S GROSS. OH MY GOD. SHE TOOLD ME TO DELETE THINGS OFF OF MY BLOG SO THAT SHE WOULDN'T LOOK LIKE A WHORE. BTU I MEAN LIKE THIS IS MY PERSPECTIVE AND IT'SW NSOT THAT I SEE HER AS A WHORE SHE MAKES HERSELF OUT TO LOOK THAT WAY, Y'KNOW? i FEEL BAD NOW BECAYUSE SHE'S MY MOM. BUT SHE CAN MAKE HER OWN BLOG AND WRITE ABOUT HER FEELINGS AND THINGS. OHH SHE COULD CALL IT THE REDLIGHT DISTRICT. LOLOLOLOL."

Yeah. that basically sums up how I felt when I was all caffeine and no salt and no food.
So I'm going to eat things. Even ifthey make me feel like throwing up.

My sewing machine.
I totally refitted a t-shirt last night.
Now it's like a second layer of skin for me.
haha.
Because it fits like a glove.
Minus one sleave.
The left sleeve didn't turn out as great as the right sleeve did.
and feels a little weird.
but oh well.
First try right?
God. I felt so badass after I sewed on that first sleeve.
I was all "Fuck yeah. Made a sleeve."
My dad's going to get a tattoo.
He's thinking about getting a barbed wire thing on his arm.
or something.
I told him to go for it.
Because tattoos are cool.
and thinking of my father making that kind of decision is hilarious.
because he doesn't make those kind of decisions.
lolololol.
dude.
Time for homework.


Au Reviour.
Dynamo.

I like to end my blogs with the word dynamo
because my grandmother called me Dynamo and
at the time and still now I thought, Wow, that would be a cool Blogger name.
So my blogger name is Dynamo.
I know.
I'm so lame.
But not a tthe same time. because you wish you thought of it first.

OMG! I'M ENGAGED!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!111!!1

LOL. Just kidding. Well, kinda.
I've decided I'm going to gay marry my hot self. Beeeeiiocchhhez.
But in all seriousness today was extremely interesting and just all over a wonderful day.
(Pics later. Because I promise that it did happen)
So aunty and I went to my doctor appointment and I must say what my doctor told me is extremely hilarious and
wildly disgusting. And being Morgan, yeah I'm going to embarassingly tell you why my stomach hurt so goddamn bad that one night when I went to the ER a few nights ago.
Because I had extreme built up gas.
HAHAHAHAHA. ISH.
But seriously my intestines were (I saw the x-rays) were blown up to the size of my arm! and like shoving up into my rib cage.
What did I eat? Seriously. That's disgusting and fascinating all at the same time. Mostly disgutsting though.
And they also found a tiny foreign object in my pelvis.
What is it? I don't know.
Is it going to kill me?
Actually, yes. I'm dying now because of this foreign object lodged into my pelvis.
(It sounds dirty.)
But no. i lied. the foreign object was actually a small charm on my underwear.
(Hey Victoria's Secret, we're all adults, why do we need charms on our underwear?)
Vicky's: To charm the men. Duh. Or women. Or whatever it is that you find yourself attracted to.

One Gift, one thousand fantasties.
that's my favorite slogan. haha.
Anyways,
So after the doctor we made myself an eye appointment to check out this head ache
THERE'S NO TUMOR!
And fingure out why it hurts when I blink my eye.
Because it's getting really fucking annoying. BITCH.
and it's giving me tourettes. Obviously.
and and and and and.
Oh I applied at Pier One. I like that store. It's cool. And smells really good. And I love interior design.
And anyway.
Oh I'm on anti-depressants. I feel like I copped out with agreeing to take them.
Y'know? Like, Hey I can struggle immensily and be on the verge of suicide like every other week but atleast I'm not a wuss and taking meds. But here i am. Taking meds. Being all "Yeah. I can't handle this on my own."
which makes me really sad. Because it makes me feel weak. That I can't do this on my own.
But at the same time I need to do this. For myself.
(My mom told me my eyes are going to turn yellow from these pills. I think she's full of shit. she also wants me to delete a blog post! HA. Seriously. No.)
So anyways.
side effect of  Celexa, (which is the drug I'm on.)

• Increased risk of suicide. (Like it could get any worse?)
• Greatly increased energy (I need that.)
• severe trouble sleeping (Lol. No change.)
• Racing thoughts (No change)
• Unusually Grand Ideas.  (WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?! (: )
• Excessive happiness or irritability. (No change)
• Talking more or faster than usual. (I'm not sure about this one.)
• Sexual Problems. (lol.)
• Yawning. (I was not aware that this was a side effect of anything.)  

So i'm super excited for unusually grand thoughts. I think that's going to be pretty bomb.

Oh so I'm engaged. My wedding is next fall. I'm so excited! I think I've found my dress! Like it's THE ONE.
Awwuh cuteeee!
I know I know. It's sudden and all, but when you feel something is right it's right.
And this feels so right.
Because it's not real.
(;
My aunt and I pretended that I was engaged and dress shopping and went and tried on wedding dresses to kill time.
And my god.
I look so fucking great in a ball gown.
Like Legits for real.
I'll post pictures when erika sends them to me.
But man. I look awesome
 

Eliza.

head over heels for this ed. so clean + beautiful, with a subtle sensuality.


I am so absolutely in love with this site,
Russh
and and and
Nasty Gal; nothin' nasty about her actually.

Oui Oui.

this Dior ring is on my need/want/must have list...
gotta hunt one down!

Bay field Apple Fest.

I went, recently, to the Bay Field Apple Fest with my wonderful Aunt, cousin, and my new adoptive mother!
It was the first time that I've ever been to this. And it was fun! I mean, there was a lot of walking and so much food to try, and so many things to look at! But it was a lot of fun!

I was also on the quest for the best crowd photo. This one might've been the winner. But I think I have better.

Mother and daughter. (I think)

Most definitely the BEST chinese I have EVER had. In my entire life. 

My first Apple (: 

It was SOOO gooooddddd. Me gusta. 

I do not know his name, but I love his style. 

You may think that I'm taking a pic of this girls butt, but really it's her bag of gold fish. 

Nina Ricci.

I stumbled upon this band once again. They remind me of middle school, and all of those confusing days.
Hah, I'm going to be saying that about highschool in just a few years soon.
It's so crazy to be thinking about life like that.
I think I know what i want to do.
UCLA.
for Business (I know math, but I can do it)
Textile, Appearal and Design.
Maybe some journalism tied in there somewhere.
Okay so maybe I don't know exactly what I want to go to school for,
but I have ideas of what I want to do when I grow up.
Like fashion.
Somehow.

I love Nina Ricci.
Nina Ricci Definitely had skin on her mind while creating this wonderful line. During spring/summer, I love to be able to show some skin that has been all covered up all winter. I feel that Nina's spring 2012 line is perfect for that reason. Women can make clothes look amazing even when showing a little skin, as long as it is in the right areas. She did this without making the models look too over baring. 





The middle dress is my FAVORITE!



The dress on the far right is just incredible!

Tossin' leaves.

I want oreos. But I also feel really fat right now. That's fine though, because I have some beautiful photos to share with you.

Me? Ish. The lighting= Beautiful.

Yeah so pretty much the greatest photo ever taken. 

So I received a warning ticket awhile ago on Martha street, but the people wrote Marble Street on the ticket.

Well I have now been to where I was supposed to have the ticket.

So I was doing a kart wheel. If you didn't notice... 

Also a lot of these photos came out as me herp derpin'.

Because when I herp, I derp to the max.

There were worse ones than this. But you get the point. I don't need to go embarassing myself on here now.

There are/were tons more photographs!

But the blog doesn't want to let me upload anymore to this blog. 

*sad face. 

Shake it off.

I have a few noteworthy things to blog about tonight. Here they are in order of importance.

1.) I love ASOS. This neoprene pleated skirt is to die for. Would anyone else wear this color?

I would.

P.s those shoes!!!

2.)  It's beginning to get colder and colder as each day goes by. And when it gets cold I like to still look cute. I mean who looks cute in like ten layers of thick sweaters? Well if it's a cute sweater dress like this! 

I'm not a HUGE fan of Stella McCartney, but this is a huge exception. (and a few of her other items!) 

3.)  I love capes. They're so cool . And there was one that was a part of the Jack Wills fall collection. Which is to just die for, and I still want the Albury Cape if anyone wants to spend some money on me (; but Capes are cool. And while the one from Jack wills is a little dressy this one from Rachael Zoe is a little more wearable year round. And just as cute. 

4.) Things are getting scarier and scarier in my life. I'm taking turns that I never thought I would. I'm doing things that I find just unfathomable in my character. I'm looking at my reflection in the mirror wondering where I went. Who am I? For these things that I do I would never do. I would never even take a step forward to even try. But here I am. dancing with, what is this? I'm not even sure what to call this. All I know is that I would never do this. But I have.

5.) My mother. I don't even know what to say. We talked on the phone. And I suppose in a way I did exactly what she said Iwas doing. Sparring her feelings. But isn't that what I do? Spare people their feelings. But I can't keep doing that. I can't keep bottling my own feelings in order to spare theirs. Maybe I'll be done.

6.) Muffins. Gawwwddd. I want muffins so bad. They sound sooooo gooood right now. Like a delicious banana nut muffin. with a delicious little piece of butter in the middle. Mmmmmm. Muffins. 

I've been eating like a mad man these past few hours.

Lets recount.

Half a pizza. (I hate pizza)

A fried egg and two pieces of toast,

actually four pieces of toast.

a thing of yogurt (and i hate yogurt) 

a few scrambled eggs. 

two apples

and a bowl of popcorn. 

That was all today. (in the few hours that I was awake) 

Still hungry. 

a;daljdak

now time for super cool pictures.

Hm. i tried to make that a super cool asian sentence 

but i couldn't think of any.

Anything?

I just don't have anything to say.
"If you ever do you should."
...
"And if it was my way you'd come live with me."
Where do you live?
"In Madison."
 . . .
"Silent again."
. . .

"I love you Morgan."
I love you too.

I dont' know how I feel about any of this. It's all so strange. Am I awake?
Am I asleep?
Why do you care?
Actually, more accurately  since when do you care?
Anyways.
I have no energy to blog.
I spent the last night, or monday night or something in the hopsital ER. And they sent me home at three am.
I just found out that I have a stomach infection?
I think that's wrong though. I don't think that that is what I have. But my stomach still hurts.
And my fricken head has been hurting for like ever.
And really bad when I blink, but the ER didn't care about that.
I don't really remember much of anything that happened.
I just remember this one nurse guy who was trying to hook up my IV SHOVED it in the wrong spot, and like he seroiusly shoved it. And my arm went to sleep and it felt like pins and needles. and just bad bad bad bad bad.
and I still don't feel good.
I'm so nauseous and head achy and weak and not good not good.

And something else weird happened last night at the ER. Well actually it was two nights ago, but I slept through all of that.
But one of the nurses, the one that put my IV in correctly said sometihng about my scars.
Which was really weird.
Because no one ever says anything about my scars.
And she was all, "it makes me sad seeing people with this. How long ago?"
and I lied. As liars usually do. "Three years."
"well. atleast now you can wear them like saying look at all of the things I've overcome."
But I haven't overcome anything.

Today was a good day.

I know, that title. It sure is eye catching.
Oh please give me a break. I'm exhausted. So fricken sleepy.
But I just wanted to make like a prologue to the next blog that I will be making.
Basically summing up todays events.
With photos! Oooohhh exciting! I know, I live an exciting life fo'sho'.
well I had a really good day.
I received a parking ticket sometime ago (don't worry it was a warning)
and they typed in the wrong street address, saying i was on marble,
when i was truly on martha, So yeah. I found marble street and took some images of that.
well actually Joey did.
And then I found Morgan st (:
and even though it was his first day out of the hospital we went on an adventure.
hikin' through the woods.
Even though he really really shouldn't be doing that sort of thing.
But oh well.
What can you do i guess right?
He's active and I don't think anyone can stop him from adventuring around.

I'm gonna pass out either from the shear pain throbbing inside of my skull or sleep.
either way.

Au Revoir.

Dynamo.

If you Have ever wondered

So that's basically how I was made.
Socially awkward and addicted to the internet.
And super fricken sexy.
(wow. morgan ego much?)
Yes. Yes,I have an ego and it's really big and if you stroke it sometimes it will grow.
(ish morgan, really?)

Anyways. So that's how I was born. God was like "Yeah. super sexy socially awkward internet addict."
But here's a cool story.
My father comes into my room last night and every time it's just him and I in my room or anywhere alone I think of this thing that he told me when I was like seven, I don't know why it stuck in my memory but it always has, and this quote that I'm thinking baout that he said was, "Morgan, if I ever ask you to do something you don't want to do just tell me no."
And my dads not weird or a creep or anything, but that has always creeped me out and stuck in my memory.
But anywho.
So my dad comes in and is all, "can i just lay down in your bed,"
me: No that's weird.
Him; you're right that's weird and then he lays down on my floor and whatever.
You know what this was just a really weird night.
Because it was my father and my brother laying on my bedroom floor talking about sex with the ladies.
and how my fatehr migth have some illigitimate child who's like nineteen or twenty now or something like that.
And it was weird.
and then my brother went to bed and my father continued to sleep on my bedroom floor.
What a weird life I live.

Hey. So, get better.

So my best friend in the whole absolute world (besides Sydnee (; ) is in the hospital.
I don't know what's wrong with him to be exact,
something about something that's kinda like a stress fracture?
Idk. Something.
But today I spend the entire day in the hospital.
And i really really really like hospitals.
Like legits alot.
And So today was nice. There was scrabble, pizza (WHICH DID YOU KNOW COULD BE ORDERED WITHOUT CHEESE? Yeah. itwas a great day.) and I don't even remember, just good chummy friendliness You'know?
And i love days like this; just chillin'.
But also, it makes me really really really sad to see Joey in the hospital like this; all in gowns and wheel chairs and things because he's like the most active person I know. He's always climbing things and crawling around and exploring things.
Oh my gosh, I guess this means no adventures for awhile :(
Well, tha'ts okay becasue it's cold out and we have like a weeks worth of movies that we need to watch. So i guess it's not that bad. And it's cold. Did I mention it's going to get cold? I do'nt like the cold. So this whole joey can't do much for awhile might be a little okay because i'm a lazy person in general, but it's still sad becasue he's so active and he can't be right now :P
"Mom! Just let me wear my dress!" Joey. Best quote ever I think.
But you know what. everything changes with time. and soon before you know it he's going to be dragging me down the side of cliff faces again. *_* and we're going to somehow find our selves wayy up in two harbors or maybe even Canada or something. Ahaha.
But anyways. I'm just glad that I got to see him today because I haven't seen him in like a week.
And I know that sounds kinda crazy like, "oh my god, you haven't seen him in a week? what, is he crack?" <- sarcasm.
But no, he's my best friend and we hang out like everyday or practically close to it. So it's a big deal. to me atleast.
oh and I met his mother who i guess has been wondering who I was, and I've been wondering about her. but we 've never met until today. she gave me a hug. (: and that was nice.
and i met his little brother whom  i've also heard a lot about and he's SO CUTE.
LIK EOH MY GOD> CUTEST LITTLE KID IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
IT was insane.
We played a board game together (; and somehow I beat him, and I felt bad D:
oh and i met his dad, and his grandmother (i think it was his grandma? she seemed young to be a grandma, but what do i know/) So basically it was a whole family meet and greet deal.
haha.
I'm so absolutely fricken tired.
I need sleep now.
Good night.
AU revior.

Dynamo.

Uhh. Underwear...

Alright. So i finished part one of my essay, I feel like i can make a blog and not feel guilty.
(Morgan, it's friday... you have other homework too...)
No guilt! (:
Anyways. So my cat Hank is clingy to me, he  follows me and whines and blah blah blah, basically he's in love with me. (And yes he has food and water and his litter box is clean so no he doesn'tjust want me to clean up his shit, he really loves me.)
And so he wanted to go outside. Well it's realllllyyy windy at my house and that scared him.  So he didn't want to go outside, but then two minutes later there he is again, whining at the door to go outside. So i openthe door and he gets all scared again and so i try to coax him out bu going out there and sitting and beeing all "Come here hank. come one, come outside." and so he takes like three steps a big gust of wind comes and he high tails it back into the house. Frusterated i tell myself, "alright that's the last time i let you out."
two minutes later i find myself back outside trying to coax him out. But this time i'm walking around the deck (which kinda wraps around our house) so i'm being all "come on. come here." as i walk around the house and he follows and i lead him down the stairs and he still follows and then when he's in the grass i think, "well my job is finished i can go inside and finish that paper"
But then as I'm taking in the nice breezes (which are very refreshing)
I look around and i see my neighbors car parked in their driveway. And then I see them.
And not only do they see me.
But they see me in my t-shirt and undies.
Yep.
(it's okay though, they're gay so it was probably just as weird for them as it was for me.) well it's not okay...
So anyway, what i feel like might've been super awkward eye contact I run back into the house. and now i'm' peaking out the window every now and then to see what they're doing.
Creep.

Oh my god. I killed steve jobs.

So a few days ago I posted this

"

I think it's a great idea to have strong healthy citizens, but I don't think it still applies to today. I don't think so because there are so many advances in technology today that we don't need to be physically healthy or strong because we have machines to do these things for us. Take for example Steve Jobs. He created the entire Apple corporation and has cancer and is continuously fighting cancer. We all know that Cancer is an extreme life threatening disease and that most people don't survive having it. But here he is making millions of dollars by continuously creating small pieces of technology that we know and love all while battling cancer.
And for another example take Stephen Hawking. He is a theoretical physicist and a cosmologist. He's a professor. He's a genius. And he's almost completely paralyzed. A long time ago that wouldn't have happened, he probably wouldn't have lived past a young age, but here he is teaching classes at Universities and writing books.A long time ago having cancer or being paralyzed would have made you an invalid in Greece, but today it does not truly matter your physical state of being but rather your mental state of being.""

And, Now steve Jobs is dead.

I am psychic!

And i killed him! :(

I feel so terrible.

i'm going to wa tch what i say frm now on.

as i leave crazy typos...