Two steps forward. One step back.

My cat Hank is sleeping here with me in my bed. He's so great.
He's sleeps with me every night. I love him sooooo much :D
I force him to let me cuddle him sometimes. He gives into my forcefulness, most of the time.
And when I get home he snuggles my legs, and follows me until it's time for bed. Which is when he finds a comfortable spot and sleeps next to me all night. And then (this is new!) he wakes me up before he leaves.
Like, "Hey, wake up! I'm gonna bounce, I love you" *licks my face* and then jumps down. Then comes back two seconds later, "Yo. open the door. I don't have thumbs that know how to do that shit."

I've been told that I am selfish. Well, I am. But so are you.
I'm sick and you know it. I only have so much mental capacity to focus entirely on one persons needs.
That's about all I can handle at one time. And at this time you're telling me to focus not only on this monster that is slowly eating me away, but also you. You and your needs and your wants.
Do you see how difficult this may be?
While I'm struggling to focus one ounce of energy on one sole topic you want me to focus on all of your issues at the same time.
We agreed to see if this will work.
And now we wait.
But i don't know how this is going to go, because what if what I really need to do is just focus on myself? And no one else? And what if you don't see that these little remarks that you make, are killing me inside?
I don't have a whole lot of self esteem to work off of in the first place.

Anyways. Enough complaining Morgan.
 No one wants to listen (err read?) about that?

So earlier today a cricket sneaked into the house! and just fricken chilled by the fricken door while my mom was telling me to take the garbage out. but it was there and I was screaming. because i was scared.
and then my moms all.
"Being afraid of bugs isn't attractive."
As If I"M SCREAMING TO MAKE MY MOTHER MORE ATTRACTED TO ME!!!!!!
but i was all, "it's not funny."
and then she's all, "no, it's fucking annoying."
She's mean sometimes.

So I see everyone's "Junior year" albums on facebook, and even though I never got in to that trend of making an album about a specific year or whatever part of me feels like I'm missing out.
But at the same time I feel that what I'm giving up in exchange for that is much more rewarding.
Like how I'm doing two photoshoots compared to doing group activities in a class room.
I think it evens out?
Or maybe it doesn't and I'm just lying to myself.

I think i want to be a surgeon.
But then again, i've just been watching a lot of greys anatomy.
But i feel that I migth be heartless enough to do it.
Maybe.

And one more thing.
I don't think that some people truly realize how low of a self esteem that I have.
And that those small comments about my "pink" hair, or how I'm late and you cannot accept it
or that my suggestion of maybe telling me to come like an hour before you want me there would be helpful
and how you shouldn't even have to do shit like that. well maybe if you put a small effort in like that then i'll do whatyou want me to.
or that i'm selfish, and hate everything around me.
I'm not.
Or am I?


"He has coffee, an Abyssinian plant, with cream and sugar. Both the domestication of cows and the idea of milking them originated in the Near East, while sugar was first made in India. . . . As a side dish he may have the egg of a species of bird domesticated in Indo-China, or thin strips of the flesh of an animal domesticated in Eastern Asia." 
It's interesting to think that everyday you are eating a cultural breakfast. Whether you realize it or not. 








HAPPY CHOLESTEROL AWARENESS MONTH!