These things that I see.

There are these things that I read.
And  I read them because I like them so I am sad when I see these things go wrong for people
that I may nor may not be close to.
And I'm not the person that they will go to for advice.
I'm not the person that they will be the first to tell about the things.
But i am sad for them all the same.
I am crying for them.
Or maybe i am crying for myself, but I'm just afraid to admit any emotion for myself. I'm afraid to admit that I have any emotion that isn't an emotion that people enjoy to see.
Maybe it's that time of year again.
Actually, it might very well be that time of year again.
And I hate myself for letting it get to this.
why I'm blogging about this, I do not know. Why i'm admitting to this cyber world that I feel other things that aren't happy is very well beyond me,
but i'm only human and  i need to let these things out.
and it's easier for me to do it indirectly that to your face.
so take what i give you.
because i can't do any better than this.
And i hate blogs that are about just self pity and upsetting words (I am a hypocrite, I do this alot) but This blog does nothing but show how weak I am.
and yes.I  hate myself for being weak. I hate myself for letting myself get like this.
It's disgusting.

Hank Green.

There is an author by the name of John Green who has written many great novels such as two of my personal favorites, Paper Towns and also An Abundance of Katherines.
The other book that he has written that is absolutely wonderful but not enough to make it to my favorites list (I promise, while being one of my favorite authors, and me having a list, it's nothing too special to not make the list. It's still a great book. and you should still read it and form your own opinion over it.)  is Looking for Alaska.
But with that nice bit of things said John Green has a brother.
And while you would think that with John being the greater brother because he is a novelist, a writer, a man of many words he is not in my book. Why?
Because Hank Green is the nerdiest babe I have ever laid my eyes on.
I mean like seriously.
There's this video where he explains computer hacking and such, and if you've read my other blogs, mainly Things I have Realized it explains this things about my self where I love it when people explain things about computers and video games and technology. Why is it cute? I have no idea.
But Hank Green is the cutest of all cute nerds.


I mean really. Look at that!
Glasses. Bookshelf in the background (FULL OF BOOKS)
And fairly clean shaven.
AND tousled nerdy hair.
Cute. Cute. Cute.
And then I found this online, and it was when i truly fell in love with him.

And so you don't think I'm completely messed up I'll show you the wonderful video of him actually being smart, and not just humping things around the town.

To my own personal dismay, he's married.
a;kj;fajhg;ahuhajfa;kjdf
>:'(

vlog.

Vlogging is this strange internet sensation.
And I think I want to become a "vlogger"
**Vlogging sounds really dirty.

"Hey, I saw your vlog last night...."
Uh, ew?

Anyways.
So here's a super cute video of someone feeding their cat with chopsticks.

Seriously, even the cats are cuter in asia. >.>

But yes.
So vlogging.
My friend has opened my eyes to this absolutely wonderful vlogger named Meekakitty (err Tessa?) You should definitely look her up because shes' very interesting to watch./
but so I was watching some of her earlier videos, and by that I mean the ones she posted like three years ago, (thus making her like seventeen or eightteen? what? Morgan why do you know that? because I've fallen in love with her! I can't help myself!)
But seriously. she's like everything I have ever wanted to be.
Not only is she white, and red headed, with FRECKLES <3 <3 <3
but she was also a former model, and does fircken awesome youtubing.
and she has very wonderful interests. Like digimon.
And harry potter and nerdy anime conventions.
and so yeah.
she's like everything I have ever wanted to be.
and I'm seventeen right now.
so if my modeling doesn't pick up this year.
I'm screwed.
And that will be the end of that story.
dreams crushed.
and sadness setting in.
And since i don't remember what i was going to blog about i'm going to leave it right here.
anone think i could become a succesfull blogger?

WELL MAYBE IF YOU LEARNED HOW TO FRICKEN SPELL.

I tried to avoid this for as long as possible But here it is.

I have never once in my entire life wanted to blog about Twilight.
Or even mention it.
But here I go.
This is my blog that will MENTION twilight.
So get ready.
Because here I go.

I was at Caribou writing NEW PROJECT. Check it out.
And tell me what you think! (:

Anyway.
I was writing  and there was this guy sitting next to me.
Here's what I learned about him.
He's a senior in college at UMD (I forgot what he's going for. I think he mentioned something about math, maybe. Or biology. Anyways. ) And he's from Michigan. he thinks Umd is a really cool school.
His computer is a cute red lap top.
He trusted me for ten minutes to watch his stuff, and he returned the favor to me while I went to Adventure Zone to grab an application because one of my friends said that they were hiring and I need a job. Desperately.
So when I came back I thanked him.
and about five minutes later
this old woman (maybe seventy or so) came up to him (and our tables were right next to each other, we were probably like a foot or two away from each other) and she exclaims really loudly, almost shouting, I think she might have been hard of hearing, anyways.
She says, "Oh my gosh! You look like that guy from Twilight!"
and he laughs and says "Which one?"
and she says "Not the tan one. The Vampire one."
and he laughs and says, "Edward."
and she says "My gosh, yes! He's so handsome."
and he says "well thank you."
and then she glances at me and just about screams,
"My goodness! You look like that one girl vampire! the little one!"
and i laugh and say thank you.
and she says, "Jeez, if my grand daughter was here, she would just have a fit!"
We laughed and thanked her again, and she told us to have agreat day and walked out.
It was strange.
But totally made me feel like I could just be flitty and fairy like all day. Which I have been.



God shes'scute. (:

Screw everything I said about what Marco looks like

Because i have found him.
I have found my marco in all of his (not matcching my description in my story, but I can change that, because this is HIM.)



*The one on the left. Mind you.
Marco does not look like an old man.

Anyway this guys name is James blake.
He's so cute.



So fricken cute.
Seriously.
I love him/
and since he's Marco.
Marco is so cute.
Gawwwhdddd

Filipinology

So. I think i want to go to school in the Philippines. Why? Because it would be really cool.
And I think my grandmother (as organized** as she is, I think she might actually hold truth to this.) said that she would pay for my college if I went to a college in the Phils. So anyways. If i was to go to a school in the Phils. what school would I go to?! well dear friends, and non pinoys. Iwould go to

Polytechnic University of the Philippines

What would I study? Well I really want to study psychology because it is just the most fascinating thing ever. (I set it as one of my interests on stumble upon and I get all kinds of cool things to read about and test myself on.) and I would minor in Filipinology.

Isn't that just the coolest thing to study, EVER?! 

It's all about everything that is Filipino. Like culture, and government, and idk everything.

And it even ties in with my major because it delves*** into the psyche of the Filipino.

And Filipino psychology is cool.

They have this core value thing called kapwa 

and ah, I don't know how to explain it so copy and paste I go.

Kapwa, meaning 'togetherness', is the core construct of Filipino Psychology. Kapwa has two categories, Ibang Tao (other people) and Hindi Ibang Tao (not other people).

• Ibang Tao ("outsider") There are five domains in this construct:
  • Pakikitungo: civility
  • Pakikisalamuha: act of mixing
  • Pakikilahok: act of joining
  • Pakikibagay: conformity
  • Pakikisama: being united with the group.
• Hindi Ibang Tao ("one-of-us") There are three domains in this construct:
• Pakikipagpalagayang-loob: act of mutual trust
• Pakikisangkot: act of joining others
• Pakikipagkaisa: being one with others

And this is the best thing i have found, I think.

Well I think it's cool

Bahala Na: This attitude, loosely translated into English as 'fatalistic passiveness', actually describes the Filipino way of life, in which, he is determined to do his best, hence the term bahala na, which actually came from the phrasebathalan na, meaning 'I will do all my best, let God take care of the rest'.

I think that I would fall under the category of a fatalistic passive person.

**She's extremely forgetful. Her explanation of being so forgetful: "I am so forgetful because I am so organized." It actually makes a lot of sense. Like we are so organized, like organizing so many things at one time that we just forget that we are organizing some things so we forget :)

A subtle kind of love.

A SUBTLE KIND OF LOVE. 

a story.

By : Jake Christie

He loved her in a distant kind of way, the same way the sun heats the Earth. If she were to disappear completely, he knew through pure logic that it would have no great, disastrous effect on him. He would not cease to be; he would not stop breathing; his heart would not stop beating; the world would not stop spinning. The sun would keep shining, radiating heat, if the Earth were not there. On a certain, purely physical level, her absence would have absolutely zero effect on his person.

And yet...

He loved her in an abstract kind of way, the way a bee loves honey. He wasn't sure why he wanted to love her, but he wanted to love her just the same. Maybe somebody told him once that he should be in love with somebody, so he felt a need to pick somebody and it just so happened to be her. Maybe. Being in love was nice, sure, but he didn't need to be.

And yet...

He loved her in a removed kind of way, the way a butterfly's wings can start a tsunami halfway around the world. He knew that it had an effect on her, but he wasn't sure how great. On a certain level he was aware that if he were to stop, if he were to disappear, it would have a drastic effect. For him it would be one less flap of his wings, in a manner of speaking, if such a thing were possible without him falling from the sky.

And yet...

He loved her in a subtle kind of way. It wasn't the kind of love you see in movies, with swelling music and giant gestures and running through the streets to catch a departing train. It wasn't the kind of love that Byron or Shakespeare wrote about, with flowery language and hyperbole and iambic pentameter. It was still and deep, like water that you might mistake for shallow if you just watched the surface. It was entirely his, not dependent on her own feelings for him, and it would still be there whether she, or him, or everyone else on the world disappeared. It was a subtle kind of love, but it was true.

And she loved him just the same.

So maybe forget all of the things I said earlier.

This pretty much sums up how i want my love life to be like.

Important, but not necessary.

Cool hair. F*ck Yeah.

Alright. So fall is just around the corner. Guess what that means?!
RED HAIR. FUCK YEAH.
And it's going to look fucking awesome because I have bleach blonde hair right now so it's going to stick like a really good sticky note to a mirror  ( because they stick best there.)
But the more I look at the box of dye
(I am the biggest fan of dying my hair by myself. Why? I have no idea. It's just so much more fun when you do it yourself. I COULD go get it done. But then I can't tell people I did it myself. (: )
 anyways, the more I look at the box I get freaked out. because my hair is starting to become a super cool shade of blonde. So I might save the red box for like a week or so more, Because i want to try something that I am seeing trend around right now.
And what might this cool trend be that morgan is thinking about putting off FRICKEN BOMBSHELL RED HAIR in her hair??!!

This.


Fricken Dip Dye Yo.

Seriously how fricken sweeett would my bangs look not only dip died but
all color layered and shit? Fucking Awesome.
That's how.
But see.
I try to be a trendy person.
So not only do i want to try dip dye,
I also want to do it pastels.
Why?
I fucking love pastel hair dye.
It's so fucking cool.

I wouldn't do pink. Because I just wouldn't .
But it looks cool on her (:


And if I was white (But I'm not. )
I would DEFINITELY join the trend of doing the NOTural colors.
There are people going around right now dying their hair off white, sometimes grey, or silver.
I really want to dye my hair off white, or silvery gray.
That would be so HOT.

But I'm not white.
(Next summer I'm hoping to achieve a fair skin color by not giong into the sun (ALSO REDUCING MY RISK OF SKIN CANCER! BECAUSE EVERYONE SHOULDN'T JUST BAKE IN THE SUN. IT'S NOT HEALTHY. SO I'M TAKING AN OATH NOT TO.)

But yes.
So I think that somehow.
Soon perhaps?
I will do a super awesome dip dye.
i'm thinking blues.
because blue is fucking awesome.
Also.

If I was white.
I would love to dye my hair yellow.






^^ My dream skin tone. <3 ah the jealousy burns in my veins.

I'm thinking about things that I have learned.

I’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-
that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned-
that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned-
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-
that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned-
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-
that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned-
that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned-
that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned-
that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I’ve learned-
that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

El. Oh. Vee. EE.

Sometimes I wonder if really I'm just in love with the thought of love.
I wonder many things.
And I'm starting to realize how many different kinds of love there are.
I love being in every kind of love.
But being sixteen, (It's close enough, can I just round up to seventeen? haha. #youngforever.)
I'm starting to realize how long Life really is, and I'm starting to realize that forever doesn't mean forever because we're finite beings. We don't last forever. Once someone dies their love (I'm leaving out spiritual things, and just talking about our physical "now" beings.) for you dies along with them because all of their electricity is gone, and they're gone. So love isn't infinite, but finite just like we are. though, even though that person is gone or dies, you still love them. You can't help it. Once something is created it's always there.
I don't know. I'm a hypocrite when it comes to love.
It scares me. Really truly scares me.
And people tell me they love me. They express all sorts of forms of love for me.
And I return it. Because deep down I love them too. Sometimes in the same way, sometimes in a different way.
This is just a rant about crazy, stupid love.
Because that's what it is. It's crazy. It makes you do things you would have never imagined yourself doing ever.
It's stupid because love makes you do things that not only would you never do, but sometimes dangerous things, sometimes things that do not make any sense at all.
But we do these things for love.
We do them beccause it makes these bonds that we form between each other stronger, it gives us a sense of belonging, a sense of worth.
That's all love really is; the feelings of being mutually needed.
I want to be needed, but I don't want to need.
Though, that's not how love works. You need to need on both ends.
But I'm full of self sabotage. I'm always subconsciously putting up walls, and barriers, and making myself unavailable to the things that mean the most to me, to the things that I want most, to people because I'm afraid to just dive in.
But then again. I'm only Seventeen. (I said it.) I have my entire life to go about being careful.
This should be the time where I dive in and out of what I believe is love. Later to find out it wasn't .
This is my time to think to myself and say "you should just wait for that one. Because it could work."
this is my time to think to myself and say "You should have waited for this. Because you decided yes too early."
And then I wonder should I be flirting away my younger days now? Should I just let go and smile and bat my eyes at anyone I see? And part of me says yes, and part of me says no. I say yes because flirting is fun. It's a great way to just let go and be silly. And part of me says no because i don't want to be "that kind of girl". I just want to be Morgan. I don't want to be attached to anything, I don't want to have to answer to anyone. And I shouldn't.
I don't have to.
But I worry about other peoples feelings much much more than i think of my own.
I bury my own deep down into this suitcase inside of my heart.
And I keep it there. But sometimes I over pack my suitcase and it starts to break open.
So I sort through it quickly. And get a larger suitcase and toss it all in there.
And I smile.
I laugh.
I keep going.
Without opening that suitcase, because once it opens I know that not only will I not be able to handle it.
No one else will.
And promises will be broken.
All sorts of promises.
Promises to be safe.
Promises to be alive.
Sweetsixteenpromisesoflove.
Promises that are harder kept than said.
Promises to myself that I made in order to protect you.
So many things that just can't be let go because of your feelings. Because i worry too much about you, before I worry about myself.
I don't want you to feel bad. It's just who I am.
It's how i work.
And sometimes i wonder if anyone will be the one to ever truly understand what I'm talking about . If I will ever find someone who will just give me a minute to express what it is that I'm thinking. No matter how absurd. no matter how redundant. That they will just listen because they love me so unconditionally that every word i say is the most fascinating thing that they have ever heard, even if it's something so lucrative as "I think toilet paper should only ever be three ply and up. Two ply is a little sad, and one ply is a joke." ( <-- this is so true. but besides the point.) I know for a fact that I'm just brainwashed by this idea of love that the media sets before me. but dammnit I want it. I want to be carried up the stairs. I want to come home to funny/cute messages written in candy on my bed. I want to have flowers delivered to me. i want snail mail. i want ever cheesy romantic thing that could ever be to happen to me.
I want someone to come up to me, grab me by the shoulders and look me in the eye and say with the intense passion that they feel for me "Morgan. I am the one and you know it!"
And I'll just about swoon out of delight. I want a beautiful romance.
But at the same time, I want freedom. I don't want to be tied down. I want to be independant of everyone. I want to be my own person.I want to be alone. I want to experience life by myself
But the further into this thing called life that i delve into I realize that this isn't possible.
There are so many people on this earth that you can never just experience something alone. Life is something that you must experience with other people. Which is why we have this absolutely beautiful thing called the human experience. And it's magnificent. And i'm obsessed with it.
But right now I cannot stop listening to love mixes on 8track. it's ridiculous.
But I'm obsessed with love.

It went by all too fast to even breathe.

Summer is pretty much over.
But that doesn't mean that  the fun is done. Oh no, I'm never done having fun.
I got my lap top yesterday. and we're best friends. I'm totally in the honey moon stage with my computer. I believe that it cannot do anything wrong. ever.
and It won't . It can't.
(*besides not having a webcam, or so I think. but that's fine. Easy fix. It's still perfect. And super cute, and from what I heard, a good gaming computer. Shall I become good at COD this fall? Perhaps.)
Anyway my computers name is Carlos.
Yep.  I have a black car, (Big Mama) and a mexican computer. (Carlos.) I can't help but just be cultural in everything that I Do.
Anyways, before I go into a rant about the things that I did and didn't do this summer, I'm going to let all of you know the wonderful thing that I did last night.
I had a four way. Three girls one guy.
It sounds extremely innapropriate when I say it that way, but in all reality it was just a video chat (which I guess could still sound really bad.... but I swear it wasn't. it was just four teenagers making inside jokes, and laughing at the weirdest things. Over all it was great. )
And my cat was in a domestic partnership for a few hours (not even.) last night.
It was pretty cool.
He's heartbroken now that it's over though. Because they're taking a break.

Alright,
So this is my list of things that I had wanted to do this summer.
Some of which I did, some of which I didn't.

1. Going camping with a bunch of close friends. [This one is weird become I'm not really a camping sorta person, but everything is fun with close friends, right? ]
• Alright. So this one kinda happened and kinda didn't on two different occasions. In one instance, we ended up staying the night on the beach. And it was really awesome cool! We had a fire, snacks, and a tent! And we watched the sun rise because I was obsessed with seeing it come up. In the other instance, we stayed in a bard because the weather was bad (I tihnk that's why) and that one was tons of fun! We just laughed all night, platonic spooning, and idk. It was one of those weird cool nights that you tell your grandchildren about because you know your actual children would be embarassed by it.
2. I want to ride the Pizza train. [I can't say I've ever ridden this thing before, or else I did and don't remember, but hey, who doesn't like pizza and riding a train? Well... I at least like riding trains.]

• I didn't go on the pizza train :( Sad face! BUT I did go on a train. I forget what train it was. It was that one that's in west duluth and it doesn't go very far, it's like an hour and a half ride (both directions.) and it was HOT AS BALLS. Seriously. I don't sweat very often, because it's gross, but i was sweating buckets. It was disgusting. And there was no escape. It was impossible to not sweat. Ew. But it was really fun anyways, and it was just a nice experience, and it was a cute thing to do that day (:
• MY NUMBERING AND BULLETING GOT MESSED UP. DEAL WITH IT. 

1. I NEED to go on at leas ONE road trip this summer. [Road trip, man. 'Nuff said]
• I didn't go on any road trips. At all. Which sucks balls. There were many planned. But it just never happened. And it makes me sad. Because I love going places that I have never been before. But it's kinda okay, because I have an awesome trip planned for next summer. (CALIFORNIA BITCHES. err gurrlss?)
2. I want to hang out in the cities for ONE WHOLE DAY. [Preferably down town or uptown. none of that sketchy suburb shit]
• This didn't happen either. I didn't really even go to the cities all that much this summer, which blows. Because I love the cities. I think I went a whole idk maybe three times? but this would have been really awesome. I wish it would have happened. Oh well, maybe something to do this year? Like a cool weekend thing to do. yes. I think I like that better.
3. Watch the sunrise, again with a group of friends. [I've done it many times before, but sitting on a roof, or other high up place,with friends as it comes up, and everyone is half asleep but still feeling euphoric. Priceless]
• Alright, so it wasn't in a high place. But it was on the beach. Like the edge of the beach where the water was bitterly cold and tickling my feet waking me up and it just POPPED OUT OF NOWHERE. It was the most beautiful mind blowing thing I had ever seen. 
4. I need to go to Festivals. Like Hippie Festivals. [Preferably Earth Dance which is held somewhere central California (road trip! Two birds, one stone?) ]
• I didn't go to any festivals. Not even the Renaissance fair, though I don't think that one is over or has happened yet. So MAYBE I can still do that. Also I don't think Earth Dance has happened yet. So there's still hope. It just didn't happen this summer. Which kinda sucks. But oh well. Right? There's always time. I'm young (: 
5. I want to become a super gamer, preferably at Call of Duty, but hey I'm not one to complain about finishing a goal.
• Okay, So it wasn't call of duty that I played, and think that I'm good enough  to call this goal done. Because I played a fair ammount of left4dead (BEST VIDEOGAME FUCKING EVER.) And I'm pretty decent at it. Not gamer good, but decent. Which is good enough for me. Also I really like this game. And making a gamer goal in the summer isn't a great Idea i've realized because how can you become a gamer when you're hiking through the woods? you can't.
6. Paint something. [A real painting, none of that wall sketching I do.]
• So, I didn't paint anything besides my bedroom really. So this is sad. But in my defense, I just wasn't in the mood to paint this summer. 
7. Fill my closet with only COOL clothes. No filler. 
• This one was partially accomplished. Partially because i bought a few cool things to wear, but lately, more recently I realized that I have  a fairly cool closet, I just needede to become more creative about how I put my outfits to gether, and thus realizing how fricken cool my clothes are. 
8. Go horseback riding on the beach. [I did this a few years ago, it was really fun. I'd like to do it again.]
• I didn't even go horseback riding in general. So This sucks. But this goal, also takes A LOT of planning and putting together to get done. And I don't have all of the resources to get this one done. But someday I might. 
9. Have an all night beach party. [This includes bonfire, watching stars, watching the sunrise, s'mores, dancing, guitar playing. you know; The works.]
• I camped on the beach, so maybe this counts. There was a bonfire, star watching, sunrise watching, s'mores, no dancing or guitar playing, but oh well. It was fun! It was great. It was one of those cool experiences to remember.
10. Creating the ultimate family on the Sims. {What? Have you ever gotten through atleast two generations of family on the sims? Yeah? Me neither.]

• Okay So. This didn't happen either. The closest I got was adopting a baby and then deleting it because it was white, when I wanted a black baby. So Fail I guess.

1. Take beautiful pictures. [This want is similar to the painting something one, but I want to take an award winning photograph. Even if the award is just "good job!"]
• I didn't take pictures that were winning quality, but I did get a few shots that are "good job" quality and also it doesn't matter what other people think. The pictures I took are of good memories, so They're great. 
2. See my Great Grandma Elsie, and spend a WHOLE day with her. [I love her, that's all.]
• this goal hurts. I'm not over it at all. She died this summer. I saw her once before she died, and she was sleeping. and I didn't wake her up. I wish I had. Because even if she would have been tired, I know that she would have stayed up to talk with me. i say to live a life without regrets, but I do regret not making an effort to really see her, even if in my mind I had come up with this idea that if I went to see her she would die soon after because I liked to imagine that she was waiting to see me because she never forgot me when she forgot the rest of the world. I still love her. She's wonderful. I miss her so damn much.
3. Visit a patient who hasn't had a visitor in a long time (At a nursing home). [You would get lonely and sad too if no one ever visited you.]
• Actually. This one was completed. I saw her two sundays ago. Her name is Gloria (I'm going to leave out her last name, because I feel she can have some privacy.) Her family had left her there like five or so years ago, and they visited only once around the holidays. And taht made me so sad. I had picked some wild black eyed susans by my house and brought them to her. Her smile, just about made my heart burst with joy. She asked me how I knew her, and I said that i didn't and that something told me to come visit her that day. And her face broke into the biggest smile, and she laughed and said I was lying . I asked her how she knew, and she said "I don't believe in god." I just smiled. She was an interesting woman. Kinda bitter, but sweet all the way through. We talked about the world, and how things are going to shit these days. And idk, it was just a humbling experience and i was sad that her family didn't visit her. She thanked me for visiting her. I felt good.
4. Go to the star watching place thing at UMD (I think it's at umd. i don't know what it's called I just know you can go there and look at constellations and stars and things.)
• I have a great excuse for not accomplishing this one. I don't know where it is, what it's called or what time it happens at. So it coudln't be completedd due to lack of knowledge.
5. Hike. A lot. [I've recently found that I like hiking, A LOT! So i want to hike a good part of the Superior Hiking Trail this summer.]
• I didn't do any dramatic hiking like i would have liked, BUT i did do some hiking in Chester, and along the coast of lake superior, which I'd say is better than no hiking. (: So due to lack of my own hiking experience, I'd say this one was completed.
6. I want t to take a cooking class at...well anywhere! It would be fun! Right?
• Did not happen. I didn't jump on that band wagon. But oh well. Maybe I can take some this year.
7. Visit the Zoo. [I've been to the zoo, I want to go this time and draw and write about them. Kinda like unnatural nature writing?]
• Also did not happen. And it's not like this one is hard to accomplish or anything, it just didn't happen.Which sucks. But i guess another time. (Boo at the Zoo?!)
8. Go to improv. A lot. [I went once, lmao-ed and now i need to go again]
• Only kinda sorta completed. I went like two or three times. Laughed my ass off. And that's that. Maybe I'll go tonight .ANYONE WANNA GO?!
9. Catch a jar full of fireflies. [NIGHT LIGHT! and then they die...]
• There weren't a lot of fireflies out this year. Also i'm kinda freaked out by bugs, so it would have been hilarious (For otehr people) to watch my catch those things. But I saw them. Also I don't want them to die. that's sad.
10. Start a writing/book club that meets at a coffee shop once a week, [Maybe, twice a month.]

• Didn't happen. why? Becasuse I didn't buck up and plan the damn thing. So Oh well. Maybe this is a winter month thing too?

1. Throw a cool party. [Like the ones they have in the miracle whip commercials, just without the mayo...]
• Actually, if I plan fast enough, this COULD happen saturday night? Bedroom party? But I don't really know if I want to have a bedroom party for sure. I don't really know how to throw a party. You know? So no. this didn't happen. I'll give it till saturday, so i'll keep you posted I suppose.
2. Go to a Rooftop Party. [This one might be close to impossible, But I'll try!]
1. Didn't happen. 'Nuff said.
3. Take an art class [They have them. Somewhere]
1. Didn't do this either. They're at michaels. But I just didn't go.
4. Buy a sewing machine. [Make my own clothes. or try to anyway.]
1. didn't do this either. I bought a lap top though :) So win win? haha
5. See Josie in Colorado. [I miss her so much.]
1. this didn't happen. but that's because her old host mom never planned it and so we never went which sucks. because I would love to see her :( I miss her so much. She was my best friend. We talked about everything and idk. She was juts so cool.

In a few days I'll come out with a "Things I want to accomplish this fall list"

Who has the best younger brother ever?

I do.
I know, some people may be thinking
"What?! Morgan is actually letting people know that she thinks her brother is awesome?!"
And yes.
He's awesome.
Why?
He gave me a dirtbike as an early birthday present.
It's so great.
Like. Wow. He's just so cool.

This is the beautiful bike that is mine. (: I still need to name it.

I'm thinking Henry possibly?

That is my "Just put this bitch in second gear" face. 

Speed racer. Check out those Ankles. Hell yeah.

I'm just really cool.

End of story.

You're probably sick of all of this awesome photos of me riding.

But I'm not.

My Brother took these photos. 

I was standing up because I was going over a bump jump thing, and I found that when I stand 

my body doesn't bounce around as much.

and when I say body, I mean fat rolls, 

and more importantly my boobs

They've sprouted out of nowhere.

I went from oranges to fricken grape fruits.

It's a good bad thing.

Going around corners at five miles an hour in a car- Sucks.

Going around corners at five miles an hour in a cool dirt bike- Awesome.

Waiting, For. A. Push.

So I'm kind of writing this cute  little thing called Waiting. For. A. Push.
And I need a break so here is what the characters look like and a short bio about them! :)
Just the three main characters Right now though.

ENJOY.


Marco Antonio Drodson.
Age: 18
Main character. Favorite color is blue. He's into the whole "saving Africa" and being a humanitarian.
Favorite animal: Panda Bears.
He's falling for 'Rissa.





Regis Collin Aldsworth.
Age: 18
The Best friend.
Favorite color : Red (Because he believes women look the best in red.)
Favorite word: Shit.
He's a womanizer. That's what he does. Also he's madly in love with Marco's mother Liza (Elizabeth.)
Favorite animal: Tiger.


*I wish I knew who this was :P


Clarissa (Mainly refereed to as Rissa)
Age: Also 18
Love interest and "push"
Favorite color: Green.
She's not really sure what she wants to do in life so she tries out everything! Right now she's trying out being a humanitarian.
Her favorite animal: Arctic Fox.

**also the only characters who's actor i actually truly feel like
is best represented.
All others may change.


And thus completes the short intro's to the main characters of this lovely story.

Nerds.

i LOVE HIS FACE.




So yeah.
I've sort of created an extreme facination with nerds.
Especially really hot nerds.
And
Anthony Pedilla.






God. Arm floaties have never been so hot.

Anyways.


I'm so hungry right now.
I was supposed to go make myself a sand wich, but being partially feminist, I can't.
It's against the rules.
Sometimes I break or bend the rules by going to subway or making myself
a wrap instead. Because technically it's not a sandwich. It's just bread in a circle shape that's
rolled up with things in it.
Not a sandwich at all.
God.
i'm so hungry.

Just one more.

Next month is my birthday and people are already asking me what I want.
I don't know what I want.
I kinda want just ridiculous things.
And dry ice.
And to go see a rated R movie.
and to buy myself a mature game. haha.
i already have mature game, if you know what I mean.
I really want to go see improv on thursday. Maybe I will.
Anyone want to go with?
Or maybe I won't because I'll be on my super awesome laptop chattin' it up with Sydnee. Haha.
So today we've decided that we're going to become youtube celebrities.
Yes. we are. And we're going to be fricken hilarious
And for this reason I wish i was a man because then I could do all of my cute little videos shirtless.
and now I bet some people are thinking "well morgan YOU CAN!"
and NO I CAN"T!
Because my grandma is thinking about getting internet and once she figures out youtube and finds me
then NO. I cannot be shirtless. She woulnd't appreciate it.
Also today I learned that in the movie Finding Nemo
the "P.Sherman." is a play on the Filipino Accent, actually meaning "Fisherman."
I laughed really hard when I found that out.
 And that's it for today.

I think P.sherman are so cute.

Things I have Realized.

So I was thinking today, actually I have just been thinking a lot in general.
And todays topic of which I would be extremely glad to share with all of you is that
People have needs, and desires, and they have things that make them "hot."
And recently I've heard someone tell another person that their interests in what makes them happy was wrong.
And unless their interest was rape or sexual endeavors with young children (which is completely wrong, and to be honest I would be just plain happy if all rapists and child molestors were automatically given the death penalty, because it's gross and scary. And all of this is coming from me who doesn't believe in the death penalty (unless it's for rapists and child molesters. Yep double standards.)) Anyways. So if you're into like choking and shit, cool. Find someone who likes choking too. If you're into roleplaying. Great! I know a cool etsy site that makes costumes! If it makes you happy then why not! (With above exception.)
I had a larger rant played out in my head from my drive home from my friend Sydnee's house, whom I hung out with all day.
I hacked her status earlier and wrote "El Banjo is not spanish for Banjo."
Thinking that Banjo was how you spelled Bano (the N on bano is the ennyay) but it was a mind slip of my own.
I'm a genius.

And Sydnee makes me think of Kesha.
So...



God.She's so cute.

Kesha says that math makes her hot.


Well kesha, we sort of similar interests considering technology makes me hot.
And when I say technology I'm talking about having someone talk  to me about
like coding, and RAM, and computer shit.
I don't know why, but it's hot.

So the nerdy person is all.
"*insert computer words here.*


And then I'm all daydreaming about what they would look like shirtless...
and yes I would be shirtless already too.


And then they notice i'm not paying attention so they adjust themselves.
"Ahem."



And I'm all "Oh my  god. So cute. Tell me more."





and now ending on this note.

Talk Nerdy To Me.

Thus speaks Morgan Marie.

It's monday and I already wish that this week would just be done.
DEE OH EN EE.
(More parental ranting. Sometimes I feel like my life is just one big Jerry Springer show. Not the episodes where you're wondering if the kid is yours because trust me my parents are my parents and much as sometimes I wish they were not. No, this is the Jerry Springer episode where they're all "I didn't sleep with him!" and the guys all "Yes you did!" and then Jerry's all "Let's bring out the man that you're being accused of sleepign with!" And thus goes the show.)

I could say so many horrible things about these two. and in my lifetime I probably have, and I feel bad. Even if, well usually, the mean things I say are completely true and well deserved by the person who is receiving my mean comments. Tonight I'm just going to say that while I have gone through this whole "separation" thing millions of times throughout my lifetime this is the one that just gets to me. Why? Because of the series of events that have happened to me and around me since my freshman year of high school. I am now thinking about all of them and thinking about the actions that some people have chosen to do and I'm just thinking My god These people are all idiots. Complete idiots. And I'm wondering how these people think that the actions they choose are even at all remotely logical?!

Shall I compile a list?
Well for one, letting your ex live with you after the most heart wrenching heartbreak that you could have ever experienced isn't a smart move.
Leaving your  daughter to figure out life while you go live it up in Arizona.
Lying, Multiple times to everyoen around you. Doesn't work for very long.
Layers and layers of child neglect and the horrible thing that is the social service.
Bribes. Bribing your children is the most horrendous thing that I have ever experienced. It's disgusting.
Guilt trips also are categorized under disgusting.
Driving while you are so drunk you can't even walk in a straight line. Genius.
There are just so many things that aren't logical choices but right now i am in such a fury that I cannot even think clearly enough to put them down.
I hate weakness. I hate it.

But I'm going to jump off of the pity train for a moment because there has been something on my mind lately that I just can't shake. And I can't shake it because I'm worried.
When I had an active cellular device I was the go to person for one of my friends who had some serious-ish problems and for the most part my job was to just calm them down, hand out resources to get help and just be there. And when my phone went offff I became really scared because he's like the only person who doesn't have a facebook so i couldn't talk to him that way, and lately with school starting and everything I'm just worried. Like is he okay? What if something happened?
I don't know.
Just worried.

So that's that.
End of story.
For today.

And when Push comes to shove

It shoves you down Six flights of stairs, through a glass window, that's above a freeway during rush hour, and it's special "Drive a Semi" day.
Plus you had to pee really bad and all of this excitement made you pee yourself.
Congrats.
Seriously.
Well that woman who when unhappy with I (in my head) refer to her as birthgiver, and the man who when unhappy with I (in my head, and a few times out loud) refer to him as sperm donor have decided that they don't like each other anymore at all.
So they have decided to not continue this charade of being husband and wife, or whatever the fuck it was that they were pretending to be.
This was not the first time that they have decided this. Oh no, they have been doing this my entire life.
Just give it another year or two, maybe even just a few months and this will all blow over again and  they will like each other (actually they hate each other, they don't like to be with one another, but for some reason they gravitate towards each other and that alone is the most horrible cataclysmic event that the earth has ever seen.
This whole "we're together" "we're not together" thing fucks with my brother and I.
It makes me a cynical bitch who's absolutely terrified of ending up like them, even though I know that I won't because I have a better head on my shoulders of what to fucking not do.
It turns my poor brother into this boy who doesn't want his parents to split up, and it really just fucks with him psychologically. Seriously, I know that some kids are just kind of "eh" about their parents breaking up but we've been through this so many times, and this past year (err about a year ago?) when my parents did the big split my brother was completely torn apart over it; he would never admit to it but being the great big sister that I am I noticed and tried to talk about it. But he's not the kind of guy to talk about things like that. But anyway. He's pretty much fucked up when it comes to relationships. I don't think he is going to do very well in them until he realizes that not all women are controlling, manipulating, narcissistic, sociopathic bitch. 
*She has some good qualities too; like when she feels like it she can be a fun person to be around.
But I feel really bad for my brother. I know he's only thirteen (about to turn fourteen very very very soon!) and he should not be looking into long term relationships, at all. But he should at least have some knowledge of girls (not extensive knowledge. just like what type he thinks he likes, and idk MAYBE like a kiss. Maybe;) (and looking at the girls he's friends with on facebook I don't want his knowledge to come from superior. Nosirree I don't. But from talking to him he knows the difference between sluts and nice girls, I hope.
But anyway. It just pisses me off that these two people cannot get their shit together after nineteen (maybe twenty) fucking years of being in the most fucked up relationship. ever. Seriously, my grandparents, while their relationships weren't peachy either they weren't this bad. It took my filipino grandma to divorce my grandpa before they could properly live in the same house together, but hey. They've still been together for a LONG fricken time. And my white grandma, well She likes being a single lady dating  and hanging out with duluths gay community. On the other hand my grandfather found a lovely lady who likes him for him and he likes her for her (and it's a little funny because he is this HUGE guy and she's fricken tinier than I am!, but they love each other so it's all good.) See, it's not all that bad. So why are they so messed up?
It actually kind of disgusts me sometimes when I see how dependent birthgiver and sperm donor are on each other, especially when they hate each other. They kind of want it to work out, but at the same time they both know that it can't be.
God, I think this settles it. I'm going to school for psychology. So I can figure out why the fuck these people do the fucking dumb things they do.
One time when I had a job my co-worker told me "Never get married. It's a waste of money. Just be married through your emotions." (not completely verbatim.)
And I'm on the edge of marriage. I can't ever decided if I like it or not. I like it because I love how awesome the party is. And I dont' know this feeling, but my aunt told me that when she got married to this guy whom she had been dating for seven years (Wisconsin common law says that they're kinda common law married already.) she felt closer to him, which is sort of weird considering they had already been living like they were married and jsut one ceremony makes you feel EVEN CLOSER?!
and then there's the fact that only straight people can get married. Like WTF. Gay, straight, bi, trans, try-sexual, No preference, don'tbelieveinsexualorientation, whatever you are or associate yourself as, I don't feel that people should be able to exclude people from something that is so important to some people. And I don't feel that I want to get married ever if this whole marriage thing is going to exclude some people because they found a loophole in "gods" plan. (They were all "We kinda hate the other gender, they're really annoying. Oh my god! Let's just sleep together!" ) So it's really dumb. And part of me kind of thinks that no one should get married, Ever. Just because sometimes the way I see it is that it's a horrible thing. But then other times ( and because I'm kind of a romantic, ) I think that marriage is the most beautiful thing that mankind has ever done for itself.
Right now I know a lot of people getting married. And thankfully I feel that the people they are marrying right now is definitely the right choice for them. And that these people are going to be very happy in these relationships and I wish them the best of luck.
I guess that yes, I too have been fucked over in the course of my parents relationship and that I too have relationship problems myself because well I'm not sure right now. I just have them.
Any way weird family rant is over now.
Maybe.

Now onto bigger and better things!
So I have this friend. And we play poker, and he gives me large sums of money to play with. And once bought me a stripper. And I think it's really fricken hilarious watching them eat an ice cream cone.
Also I would like to say thank you, just one last time to this person for just taking my mind off of all that's going on when I needed it really badly. So THANK YOU!

Maraming salamat sa inyo.

Gagamit ako ng proteksyon. 

;)

I just love cute things.

Wall-e and Eve if they were real (:



Pretty much; they need to be married.
Now.



I love potatoes.
I feel like if there really was such a thing as gods gift to mankind it would be the potato.
And then I find this.
and god.
I'm in love.

Engineers and things.

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said,
"Good choice, The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

And still I want an arts degree.

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints."

 

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

 

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline adjacent to a recreational area?"

Engineer wedding rings. 
They're so cute.