My mother had told me that even though I didn't see my grandmother (Even though I wrote her a note saying that I would) it was okay because she didn't remember that I wrote the note, because she wouldn't remember that I was coming.
She was wrong wrong wrong.
My grandmother kept the note posted on her wall next to her.
She made someone read it to her everyday.
She told EVERYONE about it.
And how proud she was that I wrote her such a great note.
But that note was a lie.
I didn't come to visit her when she was awake.
I didn't come and talk to her all day. I didn't do what I had promised to do.
And now it's too late.
And I don't have a chance to make it up to make it up to her.
I am a horrible person.
I am the worst kind of person.
I am a person who let's life get in front of the important things.
And it hurts.
My heart hurts so inconceivably bad.
I didn't go see her today, like was planned.
No one did.
We all slept.
I slept eight hours today. This sleep was a mix of not getting any the night before and this severe depression that had washed over me. I want to go to sleep.
I don't want to do anything.
I didn't cause her death, but I feel somehow like because I didn't see her she is sad.
And I am sad.
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