I think referring to myself as Funemployed makes me feel so much better.

I can't remember if I blogged about it or not, but I quit my job at Clyde.
I'm finally done.
On another note.
Here's what the past (less than) 24 or so hours of my life entailed.

Went to a grad party,
which was really fun!
And stayed the night, "camped" in the barn with a few people.
Went halfway skinny dipping. (I still had my underwear on.) Only one person actually went skinny dipping,
I didn't really go into the water anyway because I can't swim and I'm afraid of black water
and afraid of waves that go over my head. So I stayed on shore mostly. But it was really fun!
And then we went back and just chilled in this awesome barn loft thing. (:
And then it was bedtime, but I couldn't sleep for the life of me,
and somehow this turned into friend massages, and spooning chains. It was HILARIOUS.
And then when I did fall asleep I was cuddling people in my sleep, and talking saying things like
"I don't like you. No aunty I don't want apple cake! WHo are you? Why are you doing this to me?"
and laughing and crying.
It was pretty insane.
So now I'm ridiculously tired.
Because I've gotten NO sleep.
and My great grandma elsie DIED. Last night.

This means many thigns for me.

1. I won't be able to complete my list of things to do this summer, not that I was going to anyways.
2. I lied to her. The first and last time I saw her in the nursing home she was sleeping so I left her a note, saying that I would come back and see her, but with the way life goes things came up and I didn't go see her like I promised. And I Feel terrible. It's seroiusly killing me inside.
3. I hate myself for not putting my priorities straight. 

She was the kindest person I had ever met. If you needed something she gave you more than you needed, she gave you half of what she had and NEVER asked for any of it back. For her birthday a few years ago she didn't want anything and everyone was mad at that, so instead of everyone getting her a present she made everyone donate to her favorite charity. She lived in the smallest house ever. The size of a trailer. In my eyes that makes me sad becasue I wish I could ahve gotten her a big beautiful house with a huge beautiful garden. She loved gardening and she loved flowers. 

She had an alcoholic ( and I think abusive) husband who never did anything. She worked at a factory and worked as a mom to a lot of kids. (I think like 5 or more) and she never wanted a divorce, she never told him he was wrong for being an alcholic and not working or contributing to the familys needs. She just kept on loving him because that's what she knew how to do. And I remember when I was little She taught me how to draw by tracing magnets from her fridge. I remember she would always have snacks for me. And the thing that will always get to me is that when her mind left her and she forget EVERYONE, she never forgot me. She always remembered me, and I know it sounds all egotisical, but it's not. Really i promise. But for some reason she remembered me without fail, which surprises me because I'm always changing how I look, so it really means soemthing to me that she would remember me. I'm not the most important person in her life. She forgot even her childrens names and who they were, but not me. Which is strange because I am her great grandchild. Not her grandchild, or her child.

It hurts so much. 

I miss her desperately.