My best friend Sydnee wrote a book for National Writers Month. I just finished it. It was the best book I have ever read. Seriously. To be very honest, because she's my best friend I was terrified to read it, because what if I didn't like it? I did like it though. In fact I loved it.
The whole story is based around Aj, a girl whos friend had died on graduation... Uh I'm terrible at explaining here's the synopsis.
Aj Lane's best friend Nikolai Harris is obsessed with Greek Mythology, particularly the myth that Zeus feared the power of humans so he cut them all in half, forcing them to forever be in search of their other half. He believed there was one person out there for everyone and when they found each other, they would be whole again. That's no secret, but when he dies, on graduation night, Aj's entire life is thrown off track s/ she's forced to face life without him and discovers with a little help from his journal, some crazy dreams of a past lifetime she doesn't remember, a new boy who immediately steals her heart and a Demi-God that claims he's one of Zeus's sons that maybe what Nik believed was true and that maybe finding the other half of your soul isn't always a good thing. Maybe it brings about just as much destruction as it does happiness.
^^ Pretty good huh? No. PRETTY FRICKEN AMAZING.
I went through most of my book emotions. Now i'm at the bittersweet ending. And it sucks. I want more but there isn't anymore. That's it. The end. Though I'm pushing for a spin off on Pierces life. Pierce is Aj's twin soul, just so you know.
It was great but I'm noticing some pretty harsh after effects.
Hey morgan how do you get after effects from reading a book?
Well they change you're life.
Such as I have a new dating rule.
It will basicaly go like this.
Person Interested: Hey, I think I'm lost can you help me?
Me: sure, where do you need to go?
P.I: Well you see I'm lost in your eyes but I think I'm trying to get to your heart.
Me: Oh, well do you feel like we have an intense connection? Even though we just met and do you feel like you've known me you're entire life?
P.I: Uhhh...
Me: Do you feel electricity running through you're veins, and that every word I say is just absolutely the most interesting thing you've ever heard? No?
Hm. Sorry, I guess I forgot the directions to my heart, and you're just going to stay lost.
-walks away-
I'm so sad. No one will ever measure up to the greatness of being my twin soul. But That doesn't mean I'm saying no. It just means I know what I'm missing out on and have crazy expectations now ;) haha,
Oh love
Thursday, June 30, 2011
No Poo Shampoo.
A few things to mention today. I'm not ignoring any of you. Really I'm not. Mi telephono has been shut off. Ridiculous yes? Absolutely. I'm kinda mad, but at the same time it's just nice; Like I don't have to worry anymore. It's just off. Nice and calm. But at the same time I'm kinda freaking out. Like what if someone needs me. What if someone is sad and for some reason I'm the person that they want to call and I'm not there to answer and then something happens. I could have prevented it. But still I'm trying to look at this optimistically. Just calm no worries. Right? Sure.
Except fricken. It's hard to stay positive when you're pretty stressed. Slept in too late (Seven am is sleeping in, sick I know.) And THEN because I just for the life of me I cannot sleep with a bra, and because I woke up late and rushed out of the house I FORGOT TO WEAR A BRA.
I'm babysitting my two little cousins Isabelle and Brayden (Who are fricken the cutest kids in the whole world) everyday seven thirty am until four thirty. So I get to play "single mom" every day by myself. It's a TON OF FUN. (Do you hear the sarcasm in the text?) BUT today i get to be that AWESOME mom who's nippin' out (actually I haven't yet; thank jesus -knock on wood- ) But i'm still that awesome lady with the two rambunctous kids who isn't wearing a bra. Sweet eh'?
I made a list of plot ideas that I've come up with in the last few days, but THE BEST ONE came to me last night. I was talking to my friend and they said something about how they don't blog due to the fact that all of their good blogging ideas come to them when it's late and they're too lazy to turn the computer on and type it out. And that's when I realized that all of the great ideas I've ever had for a plot has come to me late in the night. Three am (the witching hour, I think, or according To Zac Baggins from Ghost Adventures). It wasn't three am, more close to midnight really. And our conversation had moved from blogging to other topics such as being a "go" person vs. a "push" person. A go person is someone who just does stuff without a real plan of action. And push people are people who like the action of "go" people but need that extra "go". And the way this was stated made me think and it just sounded like a wonderful conception. Which made me think of a possible title for a book. "Waiting For A Push" and I have a few plot ideas connected with this idea.
PLOT IDEA NUMBER ONE: (I've always wanted to write in the p.o.v of a boy because I've never truly done that before, I've written small bits and pieces in the male gender p.o.v but never anything lengthy and I want to) So Anyway, a boy (Names pending, though I am enjoying: Ethan, Aidan, Marco, etc. I'm not sure) in high school, about to make the transition into the real world is absolutely hopeless. His father is pressuring him to follow in his footsteps and become a law major and someday sit in his fathers chair as head of the firm. But (Insert name here) has other plans. He wants to join the peace core and travel the world and see all that there is to see. When he meets a girl at a local Peace Core informational meetings he realizes that this is where he needs to be. But he needs a push, and this mysterious girl keeps saying go.
^Eh? Eh? :) I think it sounds interesting. And very writeable. Which is something I need. I write too many unwriteable things. like the plot just gets too complicated. And then im two hundred pages in going What the fuck did i just write two hundred pages about?
PLOT IDEA NUMBER TWO: She was at the center of everyone's mind at school.They all watched her like a hawk watches their prey, but they didn't want to watch her fall. At least most people didn't want towatch her fall. But there were people waiting for her to go down, to step down from her thrown of being the center of Ridgeview High's eye. She didn't want to be there. She didn't care about what anyone else thought. She just needed to get away. She just wanted to go anywhere but here. She wasn't ready to live in a small town and be trapped here. She had bigger dreams for herself. She had plans for herself and none of them involved a boy. But on the night that she was about to step into the world and never look back she saw him and some how he found his way into her plan.
^^ and yeah. If i had names and things figured out a little more this would be a better synopsis.
Plot Idea number three: this is the least completely formed idea. Basically it's based in a high school and it's about a girl who is among the "cool crowd" but she doesn't want to be there nor does she feel like she deserves to be there (she's only in because of the way she looks and her family reputation and money) and idk she dies. Even though this is the least planned I like the idea of someone dying and this plot second best. the one with the guy i cna see clearly, but I'm afraid to do it because I see it so clearly and I'm afriad I'll get bored of it.
Have you ever used "No Poo Shampoo"? Basically its' shampoo that doesnt lather. And it's like the biggest mind F*ck ever. Why? Becasue the thing that makes shampoo what it is, is the lather. The soapy ness of it. It's wonderful. But with the bubbles comes salicylic acid and other harmful things that you shouldn't be rubbing into you're scalp. It's not super bad considering like EVERY shampoo is latherable. But it's not the best for you're hair. But it just doesn't feel clean without getting soapy. Which makes me really sad. I like the soapy. because then I blow bubbles in the shower and make myself beards and blow the suds around me. Yes, I pretty much have a party everytime I get into the shower. It's great. I love taking showers.
Except fricken. It's hard to stay positive when you're pretty stressed. Slept in too late (Seven am is sleeping in, sick I know.) And THEN because I just for the life of me I cannot sleep with a bra, and because I woke up late and rushed out of the house I FORGOT TO WEAR A BRA.
I'm babysitting my two little cousins Isabelle and Brayden (Who are fricken the cutest kids in the whole world) everyday seven thirty am until four thirty. So I get to play "single mom" every day by myself. It's a TON OF FUN. (Do you hear the sarcasm in the text?) BUT today i get to be that AWESOME mom who's nippin' out (actually I haven't yet; thank jesus -knock on wood- ) But i'm still that awesome lady with the two rambunctous kids who isn't wearing a bra. Sweet eh'?
I made a list of plot ideas that I've come up with in the last few days, but THE BEST ONE came to me last night. I was talking to my friend and they said something about how they don't blog due to the fact that all of their good blogging ideas come to them when it's late and they're too lazy to turn the computer on and type it out. And that's when I realized that all of the great ideas I've ever had for a plot has come to me late in the night. Three am (the witching hour, I think, or according To Zac Baggins from Ghost Adventures). It wasn't three am, more close to midnight really. And our conversation had moved from blogging to other topics such as being a "go" person vs. a "push" person. A go person is someone who just does stuff without a real plan of action. And push people are people who like the action of "go" people but need that extra "go". And the way this was stated made me think and it just sounded like a wonderful conception. Which made me think of a possible title for a book. "Waiting For A Push" and I have a few plot ideas connected with this idea.
PLOT IDEA NUMBER ONE: (I've always wanted to write in the p.o.v of a boy because I've never truly done that before, I've written small bits and pieces in the male gender p.o.v but never anything lengthy and I want to) So Anyway, a boy (Names pending, though I am enjoying: Ethan, Aidan, Marco, etc. I'm not sure) in high school, about to make the transition into the real world is absolutely hopeless. His father is pressuring him to follow in his footsteps and become a law major and someday sit in his fathers chair as head of the firm. But (Insert name here) has other plans. He wants to join the peace core and travel the world and see all that there is to see. When he meets a girl at a local Peace Core informational meetings he realizes that this is where he needs to be. But he needs a push, and this mysterious girl keeps saying go.
^Eh? Eh? :) I think it sounds interesting. And very writeable. Which is something I need. I write too many unwriteable things. like the plot just gets too complicated. And then im two hundred pages in going What the fuck did i just write two hundred pages about?
PLOT IDEA NUMBER TWO: She was at the center of everyone's mind at school.They all watched her like a hawk watches their prey, but they didn't want to watch her fall. At least most people didn't want towatch her fall. But there were people waiting for her to go down, to step down from her thrown of being the center of Ridgeview High's eye. She didn't want to be there. She didn't care about what anyone else thought. She just needed to get away. She just wanted to go anywhere but here. She wasn't ready to live in a small town and be trapped here. She had bigger dreams for herself. She had plans for herself and none of them involved a boy. But on the night that she was about to step into the world and never look back she saw him and some how he found his way into her plan.
^^ and yeah. If i had names and things figured out a little more this would be a better synopsis.
Plot Idea number three: this is the least completely formed idea. Basically it's based in a high school and it's about a girl who is among the "cool crowd" but she doesn't want to be there nor does she feel like she deserves to be there (she's only in because of the way she looks and her family reputation and money) and idk she dies. Even though this is the least planned I like the idea of someone dying and this plot second best. the one with the guy i cna see clearly, but I'm afraid to do it because I see it so clearly and I'm afriad I'll get bored of it.
Have you ever used "No Poo Shampoo"? Basically its' shampoo that doesnt lather. And it's like the biggest mind F*ck ever. Why? Becasue the thing that makes shampoo what it is, is the lather. The soapy ness of it. It's wonderful. But with the bubbles comes salicylic acid and other harmful things that you shouldn't be rubbing into you're scalp. It's not super bad considering like EVERY shampoo is latherable. But it's not the best for you're hair. But it just doesn't feel clean without getting soapy. Which makes me really sad. I like the soapy. because then I blow bubbles in the shower and make myself beards and blow the suds around me. Yes, I pretty much have a party everytime I get into the shower. It's great. I love taking showers.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Red.
I know I said I wanted a yellow moped. But in addition. I would also like a red motorcycle.
Why? I would look fricken amazing on a red motorcycle -insert winking face-
I would prefer one that looked similarly to this one. (If anyone is wondering waht to get me as a birthday present or an Un-birthday present, or just like mon-sun present. you know. red motorcycles are cool)
I dont' know what this is,. I saw one similar to this in canal today, and I was like holygod,holygod,holygod. NEED. THAT, NOW.
I'm not a very practical person. But I am, if practical means i look cool then yes I'm practical.
Or whatever that is. As long as it goes fast and looks fast, I'll take it!
This red motorcycle appreciation started from watching I am number four. Which is a great movie!!!!!!!!
AH I LOVE NUMBER SIX. I EITHER WANT TO BE HER OR MARRY HER. <3 <3 SHE'S SO HOT.
(I'm glad I'm not the only one who's typed "I am number four number six" in to google..)
Oh lordy.
Anyway. I am number four is great.
Movie quotes anyone?
A good one was
"Redbulls' for Pussies." :) It made me smile so big.
Also....
God I wanna walk like this. And still feel ah-mazing.
^^Not quite sure what this is from. But damn. I fricken love tomato soup and mangoes.
FINALLY I HAVE PLOT IDEAS FOR NOVEMBER! -angels sing in background-
I know I know. I haven't blogged abuot it, but damn. I have been just dry on plot creativity. Fo' serious.
And Now I have a few ideas.
1.) Write abuot a writer who is struggling with writing. I can do it. I know I can! Because I know this feeling all too well,
2,) a model gets accepted into a prestigious agency, but they are beign run crookedly, and weird things happen when you turn twenty two (the mythical age that crappy models tend to die out at) OR i want to do a twist on a Midsummer night's dream (MY ALL TIME FAVORITE PLAY BY SHAKESPEARE, NEXT TO ROMEO AND JULIET AND MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING) (I only went out for teh school play last year becasue it was midsummer, other than that I would have NEVER joined the theatere thing at school)
3.) a tragic romatic comedy. that really isn't all that funny. because the main love intesrest dies. (I can't help it. I need to kill SOMEONE in a story, or it just ins't a good story, ya' know?)
But Now i'm done. I've blogged enough for one day.
Why? I would look fricken amazing on a red motorcycle -insert winking face-
I would prefer one that looked similarly to this one. (If anyone is wondering waht to get me as a birthday present or an Un-birthday present, or just like mon-sun present. you know. red motorcycles are cool)
I dont' know what this is,. I saw one similar to this in canal today, and I was like holygod,holygod,holygod. NEED. THAT, NOW.
I'm not a very practical person. But I am, if practical means i look cool then yes I'm practical.
Or whatever that is. As long as it goes fast and looks fast, I'll take it!
This red motorcycle appreciation started from watching I am number four. Which is a great movie!!!!!!!!
AH I LOVE NUMBER SIX. I EITHER WANT TO BE HER OR MARRY HER. <3 <3 SHE'S SO HOT.
(I'm glad I'm not the only one who's typed "I am number four number six" in to google..)
Oh lordy.
Anyway. I am number four is great.
Movie quotes anyone?
A good one was
"Redbulls' for Pussies." :) It made me smile so big.
Also....
God I wanna walk like this. And still feel ah-mazing.
^^Not quite sure what this is from. But damn. I fricken love tomato soup and mangoes.
FINALLY I HAVE PLOT IDEAS FOR NOVEMBER! -angels sing in background-
I know I know. I haven't blogged abuot it, but damn. I have been just dry on plot creativity. Fo' serious.
And Now I have a few ideas.
1.) Write abuot a writer who is struggling with writing. I can do it. I know I can! Because I know this feeling all too well,
2,) a model gets accepted into a prestigious agency, but they are beign run crookedly, and weird things happen when you turn twenty two (the mythical age that crappy models tend to die out at) OR i want to do a twist on a Midsummer night's dream (MY ALL TIME FAVORITE PLAY BY SHAKESPEARE, NEXT TO ROMEO AND JULIET AND MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING) (I only went out for teh school play last year becasue it was midsummer, other than that I would have NEVER joined the theatere thing at school)
3.) a tragic romatic comedy. that really isn't all that funny. because the main love intesrest dies. (I can't help it. I need to kill SOMEONE in a story, or it just ins't a good story, ya' know?)
But Now i'm done. I've blogged enough for one day.
I just came to say hello.
Aiiighhht.
A few things here I wanna say. And I'm only gonna say them once. So listen up.
1.) check out this video.
Yes. It's Charlie Sheen. Dubstep. Yo. Check it. (?)
2.) Shit. I forgot what I wanted to Blog about! Ugh. Well thus the rambling begins.
I was thinking about what one of my friends said. And it was something that they said a while ago about what a persons purpose on life is. And he thought that it was to "find that other someone to live with and be happy with" and whatever. (Not a direct quote by the way, just separating my thoughts from theirs.) And I kind of believe that a persons purpose in life is to use your time to make everything just that much better. Like picking up trash off of the ground when you're walking somewhere or saying hi to older people when you see them on their little park benches. You know? just being a good person, and leaving a lasting imprint of your time here. Like someones grandchild could be like "Hey, see these clean streets? They're clean because once I saw this one lady picking up SOMEONE ELSE'S trash! And I thought it was totally radical so I had to join in and one of my friends thought it was cool so they did too, It was great." Well maybe not like that but you get the jist right? Life is just about you taking care of those less fortunate than you, if it wasn't then we'd all be greedy and no one would get anywhere and I probably would have killed myself a long time ago, not that anyone would have really noticed or cared for that matter. But to the point of this story now, it made me think about the Symposium and Aristophanes speech in it (which I totally read because I was inspired by my Best Friend Sydnee's book [Searching, you can someday search for it on bookshelves because it is FRICKEN AMAZING. and i'm not just saying that because she's my best friend. I mean it's really great, i've gone through almost every single one of my reading emotions reading it. I'll blog about those next considering I completely forgot what I wanted to blog about!] ) And anyway Aristophanes speech is basically about how there used to be three genders; male, female, and a combined sort. and the combined sort wanted to overthrow the gods and the gods got made and split everyone up so then everyone was just two legs (oh yeah, people a long time ago according to greek mythology had four legs arms, etc and two heads facing opposite directions) they were split up and spread across the world and thus creating Twin Souls; because these people came from teh same soul. And since they're only half of a twin they're always looking for the other! But wait morgan! isn't that a SOUL MATE?! Heavens no. A soul mate is like your spiritual family; people who are in your life to help guide you to your twin soul . This is pretty fuckin' sweet shit huh? Oh profanity, how clever you are in helping me describe something so ethereal. It's so amazing. And I completely believe in it. And I want my twin soul. And I Fricken want it now. Seriously. How sweet would it be to have someone so close to you that when you first meet you feel like you've known each other your entire lives. [I know it totally sounds like all past/present/future relationships are just going to be "settling" but, well yeah Artisphanes says something about how when you don't find your twin soul in this lifetime [BECAUSE YOUR CONSTANTLY REINCARNATED UNTIL YOU FIND THEM! HOW SWEET IS THAT?!?!] you do end up settling so to speak, or else you do find them but because it would make everyone around you so ridiculously upset that you would be with them you both decide not to be with each other in this lifetime. Ouch, right? But, ah. I want mine now and so badly. But idk, you just autmatically have this incredible relationship with this person and it's just magical. really truly magical.
It's basically dating yourself. Which -checks self out in mirror- i'm not completely opposed to ;) Just kidding, My twin soul definiitely got the beauty part.
Alrighty, numba' three. My Book Emotions and the stages of the book that come along with it.
The Beginning: If I do not like a book, or feel bored by it by the third page, well dear author sucks for you. Should've made your intro better. I don't care if the climax is great, personally ever climax is great, but the beginnign sucks so I quit right there. BUT if your intro is interesting enough, you've got a perfectly balanced Morgan, meaning I feel content, ready for the steady progression of the plot line, but also alert for anything that might just pop out of nowwhere ( "Heheheheheh" *thoughts to self, what was that laughing...* "I am a coked out old lady! Quack!") Beginnings are introducterous. and that's fine by me, it keeps me interested without leaving me completely confused.
The Middle: The middle is a mix of emotions. It goes from being so overly excited that I am literally choking on it. And when I say that I literally choke on the excitement I mean that with the dictionary definition of the word literal. I actually choke a little when I'm excited reading a book. Then there's the lovey emotion. It's usually when something romatically good happens to a character that I favor or just something ridiculously cute happens and then I'm choking on romantic excitement. (book reading for me is really rather dangerous when it's a really good book). There's the sadness, and when I'm sad sometimes I shed a tear. I've balled my eyes out, full on SOBBING from books. And those are the best. I get mad. Like WHAT THE FUCK WHO THE HELL SAID IT WAS OKAY TO FUCKING PUT THIS IN THE FUCKING PLOTLINE. MOTHER FUCKERS. You know, and that's when I end up tossing the book across the room, because 1.) I'm filipino and we have dangerous tempers, and 2.) The plotline seriously fucked shit up (it's still interesting) But then I regret it and want to keep reading so i pick the book up and anxiously flip through, mumbling angry thigns to myself abouit how i'm an idiot for throwing the book and not taking any note what so ever about what page I was on, until i find where i tossed the book. There are more emotions, those are just the basics.
The End. This is also an emotional stage, although not as emotional as teh middle. This is where all the strings are attached and the mysteries have been solved and for the most part everyone is basically chummy, unless it was a tragedy or a cliff hanger to a sequel. (cliff hangers are the worst to end on) When it's a complete ending my stomach feels very warm and full, even if I didn't eat anything, just wamr and full and complete. Emotionally I feel complete and whole and there's just a whole comfort to myself. If it's a cliff hanger I have that "complete ending" feeling but with a drug addict twist. Meanign that I'm only slightly satisfied. I turn into Charlie Sheen really. Doing more drugs to calm my need. But by drugs I mean books, and love. because You're love is my drug. (Oh Ke$ha.) So yeah. Kinda scatter brained. I could never truly vlog, if this is scatter brained think about how much worse it would be if i tried to explain it verbally. Dear lord.
^^ And it was durring summer of '06 and I dropped ten pounds.
^^ But I never seem to have money.
^^ THis is why they invented coffee and caffienated beverages right?
^ Hint: get me a good book, a mood ring that won't turn my finger green and you can basically call me Mrs. WhateverYourLastNameIs.
^^Holy shit. I wrote something almost exactly like this in my Journal. Wow.
The ENd :)
A few things here I wanna say. And I'm only gonna say them once. So listen up.
1.) check out this video.
Yes. It's Charlie Sheen. Dubstep. Yo. Check it. (?)
2.) Shit. I forgot what I wanted to Blog about! Ugh. Well thus the rambling begins.
I was thinking about what one of my friends said. And it was something that they said a while ago about what a persons purpose on life is. And he thought that it was to "find that other someone to live with and be happy with" and whatever. (Not a direct quote by the way, just separating my thoughts from theirs.) And I kind of believe that a persons purpose in life is to use your time to make everything just that much better. Like picking up trash off of the ground when you're walking somewhere or saying hi to older people when you see them on their little park benches. You know? just being a good person, and leaving a lasting imprint of your time here. Like someones grandchild could be like "Hey, see these clean streets? They're clean because once I saw this one lady picking up SOMEONE ELSE'S trash! And I thought it was totally radical so I had to join in and one of my friends thought it was cool so they did too, It was great." Well maybe not like that but you get the jist right? Life is just about you taking care of those less fortunate than you, if it wasn't then we'd all be greedy and no one would get anywhere and I probably would have killed myself a long time ago, not that anyone would have really noticed or cared for that matter. But to the point of this story now, it made me think about the Symposium and Aristophanes speech in it (which I totally read because I was inspired by my Best Friend Sydnee's book [Searching, you can someday search for it on bookshelves because it is FRICKEN AMAZING. and i'm not just saying that because she's my best friend. I mean it's really great, i've gone through almost every single one of my reading emotions reading it. I'll blog about those next considering I completely forgot what I wanted to blog about!] ) And anyway Aristophanes speech is basically about how there used to be three genders; male, female, and a combined sort. and the combined sort wanted to overthrow the gods and the gods got made and split everyone up so then everyone was just two legs (oh yeah, people a long time ago according to greek mythology had four legs arms, etc and two heads facing opposite directions) they were split up and spread across the world and thus creating Twin Souls; because these people came from teh same soul. And since they're only half of a twin they're always looking for the other! But wait morgan! isn't that a SOUL MATE?! Heavens no. A soul mate is like your spiritual family; people who are in your life to help guide you to your twin soul . This is pretty fuckin' sweet shit huh? Oh profanity, how clever you are in helping me describe something so ethereal. It's so amazing. And I completely believe in it. And I want my twin soul. And I Fricken want it now. Seriously. How sweet would it be to have someone so close to you that when you first meet you feel like you've known each other your entire lives. [I know it totally sounds like all past/present/future relationships are just going to be "settling" but, well yeah Artisphanes says something about how when you don't find your twin soul in this lifetime [BECAUSE YOUR CONSTANTLY REINCARNATED UNTIL YOU FIND THEM! HOW SWEET IS THAT?!?!] you do end up settling so to speak, or else you do find them but because it would make everyone around you so ridiculously upset that you would be with them you both decide not to be with each other in this lifetime. Ouch, right? But, ah. I want mine now and so badly. But idk, you just autmatically have this incredible relationship with this person and it's just magical. really truly magical.
It's basically dating yourself. Which -checks self out in mirror- i'm not completely opposed to ;) Just kidding, My twin soul definiitely got the beauty part.
Alrighty, numba' three. My Book Emotions and the stages of the book that come along with it.
The Beginning: If I do not like a book, or feel bored by it by the third page, well dear author sucks for you. Should've made your intro better. I don't care if the climax is great, personally ever climax is great, but the beginnign sucks so I quit right there. BUT if your intro is interesting enough, you've got a perfectly balanced Morgan, meaning I feel content, ready for the steady progression of the plot line, but also alert for anything that might just pop out of nowwhere ( "Heheheheheh" *thoughts to self, what was that laughing...* "I am a coked out old lady! Quack!") Beginnings are introducterous. and that's fine by me, it keeps me interested without leaving me completely confused.
The Middle: The middle is a mix of emotions. It goes from being so overly excited that I am literally choking on it. And when I say that I literally choke on the excitement I mean that with the dictionary definition of the word literal. I actually choke a little when I'm excited reading a book. Then there's the lovey emotion. It's usually when something romatically good happens to a character that I favor or just something ridiculously cute happens and then I'm choking on romantic excitement. (book reading for me is really rather dangerous when it's a really good book). There's the sadness, and when I'm sad sometimes I shed a tear. I've balled my eyes out, full on SOBBING from books. And those are the best. I get mad. Like WHAT THE FUCK WHO THE HELL SAID IT WAS OKAY TO FUCKING PUT THIS IN THE FUCKING PLOTLINE. MOTHER FUCKERS. You know, and that's when I end up tossing the book across the room, because 1.) I'm filipino and we have dangerous tempers, and 2.) The plotline seriously fucked shit up (it's still interesting) But then I regret it and want to keep reading so i pick the book up and anxiously flip through, mumbling angry thigns to myself abouit how i'm an idiot for throwing the book and not taking any note what so ever about what page I was on, until i find where i tossed the book. There are more emotions, those are just the basics.
The End. This is also an emotional stage, although not as emotional as teh middle. This is where all the strings are attached and the mysteries have been solved and for the most part everyone is basically chummy, unless it was a tragedy or a cliff hanger to a sequel. (cliff hangers are the worst to end on) When it's a complete ending my stomach feels very warm and full, even if I didn't eat anything, just wamr and full and complete. Emotionally I feel complete and whole and there's just a whole comfort to myself. If it's a cliff hanger I have that "complete ending" feeling but with a drug addict twist. Meanign that I'm only slightly satisfied. I turn into Charlie Sheen really. Doing more drugs to calm my need. But by drugs I mean books, and love. because You're love is my drug. (Oh Ke$ha.) So yeah. Kinda scatter brained. I could never truly vlog, if this is scatter brained think about how much worse it would be if i tried to explain it verbally. Dear lord.
^^ And it was durring summer of '06 and I dropped ten pounds.
^^ But I never seem to have money.
^^ THis is why they invented coffee and caffienated beverages right?
^ Hint: get me a good book, a mood ring that won't turn my finger green and you can basically call me Mrs. WhateverYourLastNameIs.
^^Holy shit. I wrote something almost exactly like this in my Journal. Wow.
The ENd :)
Earings made of things you buy at Gander mountain say WHAT?!
Yes, this blog is about DIY earrings, male audience I give you a free pass to skip this blog posting all together, but it's really rather interesting I promise.
So to start.
There's this trend i've been seeing and it has to do with people having really cool earrings. Like all dangly and big and COOL.
etc...
I desperately want to be cool. (cries softly, "I can be cool, I can be cool.")
So to make really cool earrings that make YOU feel cool, ( I know that I've gotten a cooler vibe from myself from these cool DIY earrings.) here's a list of things to get.
1.) An old pair of earrings or the things that you stick into your ears that you can get from craft stores....
[Que visual examples!]
(if you use the old pair of earrings (I did) find a pair that makes things easy to slip on and off of the red circled area in the picture above.)
it's the big shiny part. I bought them in gold and a deeper gold.... They're really cool!
So to start.
There's this trend i've been seeing and it has to do with people having really cool earrings. Like all dangly and big and COOL.
etc...I desperately want to be cool. (cries softly, "I can be cool, I can be cool.")
So to make really cool earrings that make YOU feel cool, ( I know that I've gotten a cooler vibe from myself from these cool DIY earrings.) here's a list of things to get.
1.) An old pair of earrings or the things that you stick into your ears that you can get from craft stores....
[Que visual examples!]
(if you use the old pair of earrings (I did) find a pair that makes things easy to slip on and off of the red circled area in the picture above.)2.) WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO PUT ON IT?!?!
I was shopping at Gander mountain awhile ago and I saw these shiny sparkly things and I gravitated towards them. I guess they're called "spinners" or I prefer to call them "Spoons" it's just so much more fun when they are called spoons. I don't know why. But anyway,. So I bought these spoons for less than a dollar I think? Actually to be very honest I didn't buy them myself. SOmeone buyght them for me. So I'm guesssing they're less than a dollar. Idk they're by all of the tiny cute fishing things in gander mountian.
it's the big shiny part. I bought them in gold and a deeper gold.... They're really cool!and basically they have a hole in them so you can loop them through anything and I looped them through my old pair of earrings and VWALA! New pair of "feel cool" earrings :)
(Please excuse the rumble hair.)
Perrr-eee-tteee cute huh?
Well I still think they're cool. But i think that I feel pretty lame now that I blogged about it.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Broken.
This was an entry that I sent in for 2009 Young Authors Contest.
Every story starts with the beginning. But what is my beginning? From what was I created, and what purpose do I serve? In the beginning I was nothing more than a glimmer in the sky. The dazzle in the heavens. I shot across the universe leaving beauty in it's purest form, scattered behind me.
I do not remember how it was I came to be what I am today. I do however remember my first memory of being here. In this shadow of Eden. The night I started to live, the same day I started to die.
I awoke from that same dream I have almost every night of my life. Although this time , I think, it was different. I have seen it so many times. Played again, and again in my head. I see the car coming towards me. the lights blinding me. I trip in confusion and fall into the car. Then I die. However, for some odd reason, I could see into the car this time. I saw her. She was in the drivers seat. Her blank pale blue eyes bore into mine. as she did not attempt to stop. She stared at me and hit me. I died; as usual, that part was expected.
I awoke screaming hysterically, my pillow suffocating some of my screams. Sweat trickled down my back. I was gasping, my lungs for the moment had forgotten how to do their job.
The door creaked open. I heard her exhale an anxious sigh, "Wynter are you okay?" She asked cautiously. She was always being cautious with me, as if i were always on the verge of going insane right in front of her.
She sneaked over, gently placing a hand on my head, and she lightly stroked my hair.
"it will be okay," she whispered continually to me. "but it came out sounding more as if she was just reassuring herself.Then again, nothing was going to be okay.Nothing was ever going to be fine. Summer was gone, and it was my fault. Moreover, my subconscious would never let me rest.Not even in my dreams.
I gently nudged my mom aside. and she knew that I needed to be alone for awhile. and she walked away without saying a word, leaving me to my thoughts. The thoughts that were always getting my mind in trouble. The ones with all of the great pitches, but all of the wrong actions.
I could not fall asleep, however, that fact does not matter considering I would not let myself fall asleep. Because once i did, my dreams would plague me. Therefore, I lay there, with my knees to my chin and my arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I bit down on my lip, pleading my eyes not to tear up and ruin my pillow with the salt water that would soon cascade down my face. My knuckle was the next thing to go into my mouth. The more I wanted to scream, the harder i bit down. No one would ever know how I felt. No one would know how loud I screamed.
Soon after minutes of quiet control of my feelings I heard a soft pitter-patter tapping on my window. My Favorite weather, rain. I slowly unwrapped one of my arms from around my middle and slowly lifted my arm, shakily, to the window right above my head. I struggled to unlatch the locks on the window, my fingers slipped and my hands shook.
The crisp clean air immediately flowed into my room. I sat up, my arms clutched my sides. I pressed my face against the screen and sucked in all of the air my damaged lungs would allow, and that wasn't much. I was still gasping, almost choking really.
The rain softly hit my face and I saw the droplets stick to the square holes in the screen. I took my free hand, the one that wasn't glued to my side for protection, and slowly slid my fingers against the places where the rain had hit. Soon I fell asleep there, with one hand against the window and the other fused to my side.
I awoke a few hours later. The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon to the east. The birds were chirping and splashing in the cheap birdbath that mom got for mothers-day last year. I wanted to fade away or at least drift back into the dreamless slumber my forgiving unconscious had allowed last night. My body would not let me though. I pried my hand away from my waist; it was numb from being wrapped around me so tightly all night. My window was still open and my windowsill was damp from the rain last night.
Last night. Those words rang through my head. My nightmare came flooding back to me now, ever detail nailed me with precision. Moreover, I felt like i was going to break all over again. Nevertheless, I took in deep breathes and slowly made my way to the bathroom. Once inside I went straight to the mirror to get a good look at myself.
I saw the same girl I always saw. I saw the daughter, who was hiding depression. I saw the sister, who tried to make a good impression. I saw the murderer, who did not mean to kill her victim. I saw the victim, the girl whose dreams had been crushed unsuspected. I saw my sister, her cold blue eyes staring back at me with no emotion. I saw myself, staring back with horror.
I tried to suppress all of the emotion that was building inside. No, I told myself, you cannot break now. Not now. I looked myself in the eyes, her eyes, and repeated it. But nothing worked.
"I'm broken." I whispered as I faded into the fallen depths of my mind. "Broken."
I apologize greatly for spelling errors and grammar errors and punctuation errors. It's one am . what can you really expect?
I'm going to sleep.
Good nigth.
Every story starts with the beginning. But what is my beginning? From what was I created, and what purpose do I serve? In the beginning I was nothing more than a glimmer in the sky. The dazzle in the heavens. I shot across the universe leaving beauty in it's purest form, scattered behind me.
I do not remember how it was I came to be what I am today. I do however remember my first memory of being here. In this shadow of Eden. The night I started to live, the same day I started to die.
I awoke from that same dream I have almost every night of my life. Although this time , I think, it was different. I have seen it so many times. Played again, and again in my head. I see the car coming towards me. the lights blinding me. I trip in confusion and fall into the car. Then I die. However, for some odd reason, I could see into the car this time. I saw her. She was in the drivers seat. Her blank pale blue eyes bore into mine. as she did not attempt to stop. She stared at me and hit me. I died; as usual, that part was expected.
I awoke screaming hysterically, my pillow suffocating some of my screams. Sweat trickled down my back. I was gasping, my lungs for the moment had forgotten how to do their job.
The door creaked open. I heard her exhale an anxious sigh, "Wynter are you okay?" She asked cautiously. She was always being cautious with me, as if i were always on the verge of going insane right in front of her.
She sneaked over, gently placing a hand on my head, and she lightly stroked my hair.
"it will be okay," she whispered continually to me. "but it came out sounding more as if she was just reassuring herself.Then again, nothing was going to be okay.Nothing was ever going to be fine. Summer was gone, and it was my fault. Moreover, my subconscious would never let me rest.Not even in my dreams.
I gently nudged my mom aside. and she knew that I needed to be alone for awhile. and she walked away without saying a word, leaving me to my thoughts. The thoughts that were always getting my mind in trouble. The ones with all of the great pitches, but all of the wrong actions.
I could not fall asleep, however, that fact does not matter considering I would not let myself fall asleep. Because once i did, my dreams would plague me. Therefore, I lay there, with my knees to my chin and my arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I bit down on my lip, pleading my eyes not to tear up and ruin my pillow with the salt water that would soon cascade down my face. My knuckle was the next thing to go into my mouth. The more I wanted to scream, the harder i bit down. No one would ever know how I felt. No one would know how loud I screamed.
Soon after minutes of quiet control of my feelings I heard a soft pitter-patter tapping on my window. My Favorite weather, rain. I slowly unwrapped one of my arms from around my middle and slowly lifted my arm, shakily, to the window right above my head. I struggled to unlatch the locks on the window, my fingers slipped and my hands shook.
The crisp clean air immediately flowed into my room. I sat up, my arms clutched my sides. I pressed my face against the screen and sucked in all of the air my damaged lungs would allow, and that wasn't much. I was still gasping, almost choking really.
The rain softly hit my face and I saw the droplets stick to the square holes in the screen. I took my free hand, the one that wasn't glued to my side for protection, and slowly slid my fingers against the places where the rain had hit. Soon I fell asleep there, with one hand against the window and the other fused to my side.
I awoke a few hours later. The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon to the east. The birds were chirping and splashing in the cheap birdbath that mom got for mothers-day last year. I wanted to fade away or at least drift back into the dreamless slumber my forgiving unconscious had allowed last night. My body would not let me though. I pried my hand away from my waist; it was numb from being wrapped around me so tightly all night. My window was still open and my windowsill was damp from the rain last night.
Last night. Those words rang through my head. My nightmare came flooding back to me now, ever detail nailed me with precision. Moreover, I felt like i was going to break all over again. Nevertheless, I took in deep breathes and slowly made my way to the bathroom. Once inside I went straight to the mirror to get a good look at myself.
I saw the same girl I always saw. I saw the daughter, who was hiding depression. I saw the sister, who tried to make a good impression. I saw the murderer, who did not mean to kill her victim. I saw the victim, the girl whose dreams had been crushed unsuspected. I saw my sister, her cold blue eyes staring back at me with no emotion. I saw myself, staring back with horror.
I tried to suppress all of the emotion that was building inside. No, I told myself, you cannot break now. Not now. I looked myself in the eyes, her eyes, and repeated it. But nothing worked.
"I'm broken." I whispered as I faded into the fallen depths of my mind. "Broken."
I apologize greatly for spelling errors and grammar errors and punctuation errors. It's one am . what can you really expect?
I'm going to sleep.
Good nigth.
Instructions For Life.
[I was cleaning out my drawers and found instructions for life! How lucky am I?!]
- Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
- Memorize you're favorite poem.
- Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
- When you say, "I love you", mean it.
- When you say, "I'm sorry", Look the person in the eye.
- Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
- Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
- In disagreements, fight fairly- no name calling.
- Don't judge people by their relatives.
- Talk slowly, but think quickly.
- When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "why do you want to know?"
- Call your mom.
- Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
- When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
- Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
- Don't let a dispute injure a great friendship.
- When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps.
- Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
- Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
- Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
- Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
- Read more books, watch less TV.
- Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
- A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
- In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
- Read between the lines.
- Share your knowledge. It's a good way to achieve immortality.
- Be gentle with the earth.
- Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
- Mind your own business.
- Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
- If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
- Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
- Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
- Remember that your character is your destiny.
Well let's just say middle school isn't a happy place.
So I was cleaning out my vanity's drawers. And I have A LOT of notebooks. Like a ridiculous amount. So I was flipping through them, and it's mostly poetry and short ramblings. So get out your tissue boxes and chocolate, I'm about to lay some heavy Sh*t right here. Also get ready for some Cheez.
Title: It's a Lottery baby, roll the dice.
I'm trapped between life and death.
In the middle of screaming and despair.
I want to get out, but it's too late for that.
But the smile stays on my face.
And I get on with my day.
Because I need everyone to believe this lie.
It's the most important thing now.
I can't stop believing it myself.
When the dream subsides,
I'll be dying to get out.
I'm going to runaway just to get away.
Forgive me when I leave.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I didn't want to stand on the sidelines.
And watch as the bully crushed the castles.
It's not that she never cared.
He pushed her to it.
They made me do it.
Please don't cry when you hear the news.
Title: None.
Oh God, It's happening again.
I've lost my balance and I'm falling off of the end.
I had so much potential.
And now I'm down to nothing.
Even the strangers know I'm great.
Oh god, it's like someone pressed replay.
Now they're leaving.
And won't hear what I have to say.
It's for the best.
And I believe in what they're doing.
But I'm to selfish to stop myself from falling.
If the air feels like water, can I swim away?
If the air feels like water will I drown?
And I just realized I don't have my flotation device.
Am I drowning now?
My blood is separating
and I'm still hating
Myself, more and more.
Which finds it's way filtered to the core.
With each day it gets worse and worse.
and ever minute I want to send for the hearse.
Tell it to carry me away.
Don't make me live another day.
Title: If we make it through the night.
It's so hard to see the beauty in life.
When you're constantly surrounded by darkness.
But the shadows are created by the blinding light.
And the miracles are always coincidence.
The moments pass us by.
The flavor of memories never tasted so sweet.
Life is beautiful when you see it with love.
Just for a moment we've fallen out.
So let's jump back in and smell the roses.
They will never smell sweeter, I promise.
Bend down and put your nose where the bees work.
Buzzing so busy, they know how hard men work.
Butterfly's watch lazily from the petals.
They watch the color and joy in the world.
With their flashlights in their eyes.
Displacing the darkness in the world.
They float through beauty.
Only knowing the bitter breeze.
Title: Slumber.
Goodnight fairy princess, sweet dreams too.
And when you dream, dream things true.
Put the sparkle in the sky.
Plant your dream and place it high.
Grow smiles and hope.
Take the stems, tie a rope.
Toss it high and climb to me,
Look around and you will see.
What a different place the world can be.
The sun shines so bright,
birds spread their wings, take flight.
And the sweet warm air,
flows through our hair.
As we perch up here,
and hold so dear
my heart in your hands.
It gently lands
safe on earth.
Curl up on the hearth.
encircled in my arms, so very close.
Kiss my cheek, goodbye morose
feelings.
And fall asleep, make no sound.
While you slumber, I'll be around.
In your sleep you always mutter.
About how butterflies flutter.
And I won't go.
Until I know
And I won't cumber
Knowing you slumber.
Title; Lock the cabinet, you forgot to unload it.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please stop being so sad.
It wouldn't have mattered if you tried,
Because you never saw me when I cried,
The girl you saw there.
So happy, bubbly, without a care.
She'll miss you always, when she's gone.
You'll miss her chit-chat song.
Please don't worry, It's not you're fault.
Forty-two, thirty-six, twenty-two. Unlock my vault.
You'll find my letters, unread.
I wrote them when I was insane in the head.
You couldn't have saved me if you tried.
I'm so sorry about the times I lied.
And since you're reading this,
I'm so sorry,
I didn't miss.
(The numbers in the poem above meant something in real life, I can't remember what. I wish I did.)
Title: ten days.
Ten more days 'till I die.
Nine more days to try.
Eight more days I need a lie.
Seven more days I can't cry.
Six more days I need to buy.
Five more days, a heavy sigh.
Four more days, I'm gonna fly.
Three more days I've stopped asking why.
Two more days I went to that place you live by.
One more day I tied the rope, oh my.
No more days. I die.
This is an excerpt of a story I had been writing a long time ago.
"My vision was beginning to blur. My eyes opened, and closed slower and slower with each blink. I felt my breathing stop. I didn't try to keep myself breathing. There was no point. It had to end sometime. Why not now? I didn't see why not. My friends are going to due sometime too, and maybe someday they will hate me. It doesn't matter any more. Everything that had led up to this, Everything that had mattered doesn't matter anymore. I slowly let myself face away. With every second passing the more I was passing. I couldn't wait. Before I was totally gone a small smile crept onto my face. I was finally slipping away. I'm not sure, but death seems almost pleasant. "I will not die, I'll wait here for you..." I whispered before I was gone.
^Spoiler, She didn't really die.
[...]The beauties leaked out of me.
Now there's nothing left to see.
But if you wish to see, wish for me.
Title: It's a Lottery baby, roll the dice.
I'm trapped between life and death.
In the middle of screaming and despair.
I want to get out, but it's too late for that.
But the smile stays on my face.
And I get on with my day.
Because I need everyone to believe this lie.
It's the most important thing now.
I can't stop believing it myself.
When the dream subsides,
I'll be dying to get out.
I'm going to runaway just to get away.
Forgive me when I leave.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I didn't want to stand on the sidelines.
And watch as the bully crushed the castles.
It's not that she never cared.
He pushed her to it.
They made me do it.
Please don't cry when you hear the news.
Title: None.
Oh God, It's happening again.
I've lost my balance and I'm falling off of the end.
I had so much potential.
And now I'm down to nothing.
Even the strangers know I'm great.
Oh god, it's like someone pressed replay.
Now they're leaving.
And won't hear what I have to say.
It's for the best.
And I believe in what they're doing.
But I'm to selfish to stop myself from falling.
If the air feels like water, can I swim away?
If the air feels like water will I drown?
And I just realized I don't have my flotation device.
Am I drowning now?
My blood is separating
and I'm still hating
Myself, more and more.
Which finds it's way filtered to the core.
With each day it gets worse and worse.
and ever minute I want to send for the hearse.
Tell it to carry me away.
Don't make me live another day.
Title: If we make it through the night.
It's so hard to see the beauty in life.
When you're constantly surrounded by darkness.
But the shadows are created by the blinding light.
And the miracles are always coincidence.
The moments pass us by.
The flavor of memories never tasted so sweet.
Life is beautiful when you see it with love.
Just for a moment we've fallen out.
So let's jump back in and smell the roses.
They will never smell sweeter, I promise.
Bend down and put your nose where the bees work.
Buzzing so busy, they know how hard men work.
Butterfly's watch lazily from the petals.
They watch the color and joy in the world.
With their flashlights in their eyes.
Displacing the darkness in the world.
They float through beauty.
Only knowing the bitter breeze.
Title: Slumber.
Goodnight fairy princess, sweet dreams too.
And when you dream, dream things true.
Put the sparkle in the sky.
Plant your dream and place it high.
Grow smiles and hope.
Take the stems, tie a rope.
Toss it high and climb to me,
Look around and you will see.
What a different place the world can be.
The sun shines so bright,
birds spread their wings, take flight.
And the sweet warm air,
flows through our hair.
As we perch up here,
and hold so dear
my heart in your hands.
It gently lands
safe on earth.
Curl up on the hearth.
encircled in my arms, so very close.
Kiss my cheek, goodbye morose
feelings.
And fall asleep, make no sound.
While you slumber, I'll be around.
In your sleep you always mutter.
About how butterflies flutter.
And I won't go.
Until I know
And I won't cumber
Knowing you slumber.
Title; Lock the cabinet, you forgot to unload it.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please stop being so sad.
It wouldn't have mattered if you tried,
Because you never saw me when I cried,
The girl you saw there.
So happy, bubbly, without a care.
She'll miss you always, when she's gone.
You'll miss her chit-chat song.
Please don't worry, It's not you're fault.
Forty-two, thirty-six, twenty-two. Unlock my vault.
You'll find my letters, unread.
I wrote them when I was insane in the head.
You couldn't have saved me if you tried.
I'm so sorry about the times I lied.
And since you're reading this,
I'm so sorry,
I didn't miss.
(The numbers in the poem above meant something in real life, I can't remember what. I wish I did.)
Title: ten days.
Ten more days 'till I die.
Nine more days to try.
Eight more days I need a lie.
Seven more days I can't cry.
Six more days I need to buy.
Five more days, a heavy sigh.
Four more days, I'm gonna fly.
Three more days I've stopped asking why.
Two more days I went to that place you live by.
One more day I tied the rope, oh my.
No more days. I die.
This is an excerpt of a story I had been writing a long time ago.
"My vision was beginning to blur. My eyes opened, and closed slower and slower with each blink. I felt my breathing stop. I didn't try to keep myself breathing. There was no point. It had to end sometime. Why not now? I didn't see why not. My friends are going to due sometime too, and maybe someday they will hate me. It doesn't matter any more. Everything that had led up to this, Everything that had mattered doesn't matter anymore. I slowly let myself face away. With every second passing the more I was passing. I couldn't wait. Before I was totally gone a small smile crept onto my face. I was finally slipping away. I'm not sure, but death seems almost pleasant. "I will not die, I'll wait here for you..." I whispered before I was gone.
^Spoiler, She didn't really die.
[...]The beauties leaked out of me.
Now there's nothing left to see.
But if you wish to see, wish for me.
you are the delicious unknown territory in which i wish to devour.
The beginning in which the seed itself is planted. An idea. That is what I am. In the beginning of course I am much more than that. I am the fleeting image that feeds your soul. I am a color of the rainbow. Most of all I am a star in the heavens. Shooting across the sky I leave luminous dust in my wake. For you my love. Is this existence worth it? This four letter word. Hate. Or, is it love? What is it you live for when you've nothing to die for?
This perpetual motion sends us moving into life. Into the unknown. With so many random people asking the most personal things. You could always come clean. But what does that mean? If you lied no one would know the difference. If you told the truth it would only be used against you. They all only show you what they want you to know. So show them what they want to see. Ms. Ruby red your secrets are deliciously gorgeous. There's always a time. There's always a place. Today is neither of those. I don't have a thing to say to you.
This perpetual motion sends us moving into life. Into the unknown. With so many random people asking the most personal things. You could always come clean. But what does that mean? If you lied no one would know the difference. If you told the truth it would only be used against you. They all only show you what they want you to know. So show them what they want to see. Ms. Ruby red your secrets are deliciously gorgeous. There's always a time. There's always a place. Today is neither of those. I don't have a thing to say to you.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
I once had a dream of a cute blonde Filipino.
Dreams are strange things. You dream things in your mind when your sleeping. And these things are supposed to be parts of your thoughts durring the day and things that are on your mind before you go to sleep.
I used to have a reoccurring dream that would keep me up all night because I would be to frightened to fall back asleep for fear of having the dream again.
I know what stemmed this dream into my process of thoughts. But it was more than that. Well it became more than just what made this dream happen. The fact that it reoccurred for so long is still a puzzle to me.
So what happened in this dream?
I had dreamed that I was in a bucket of ice cold black water and I couldn't swim. (I really can't swim.) And I saw things through the water, looking up. I was drowning. Always in cold water I drowned, And above me were tiny black puppies always watching me. And then I would wake up in a cold sweat out of breath. Sometimes I would wake up screaming, or gasping .And afraid. Always I would be absolutely terrified when I woke up. Shaking, sometimes. I would occasionally call my friend when I woke up, leave her a voicemail. And lay awake. Thinking of those puppies until the sun came up. And then school. And I would be exhausted.
BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
"To see a black colored dog in your dream, symbolizes the shadow aspect of a friend. The dark side of someone close to you is being revealed and you are able to see through to their true intentions."
"Drowning
I used to have a reoccurring dream that would keep me up all night because I would be to frightened to fall back asleep for fear of having the dream again.
I know what stemmed this dream into my process of thoughts. But it was more than that. Well it became more than just what made this dream happen. The fact that it reoccurred for so long is still a puzzle to me.
So what happened in this dream?
I had dreamed that I was in a bucket of ice cold black water and I couldn't swim. (I really can't swim.) And I saw things through the water, looking up. I was drowning. Always in cold water I drowned, And above me were tiny black puppies always watching me. And then I would wake up in a cold sweat out of breath. Sometimes I would wake up screaming, or gasping .And afraid. Always I would be absolutely terrified when I woke up. Shaking, sometimes. I would occasionally call my friend when I woke up, leave her a voicemail. And lay awake. Thinking of those puppies until the sun came up. And then school. And I would be exhausted.
BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
"To see a black colored dog in your dream, symbolizes the shadow aspect of a friend. The dark side of someone close to you is being revealed and you are able to see through to their true intentions."
"Drowning
To dream that you are drowning, indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed by emotions. Repressed issues may be coming back to haunt you. You may be proceeding too quickly in trying to discover your unconscious thoughts. You should proceed more cautiously and slowly. If you drown to death, then is refers to an emotional rebirth. If your survive the drowning, then it means that a waking relationship or situation will ultimately survive the turmoil.�
To see someone drowning in your dream, suggests that you are becoming too deeply involved in something that is beyond your control. Alternatively, it represents a sense of loss in your own identity. You are unable to differentiate who you are anymore."
It really could mean anything .
I'll have more reoccurring dreams another time.
Life goals of a Slug.
"What do I want to do with my life?," A young slug thought to himself, "Perhaps I'll travel the world. See France, I'll be safe. They only eat snails there."
After this thought the young slug left his moist home beneath the mushroom in this natural place. He inched along as slugs usually do. He was young, there was no rush. He had his whole life to see the world.
He came to a tree and went up. He did not know it was a tree for its mass size was far greater than any tree he had ever seen in his entire life. He was burried in the deep grooves of the bark. A few meters ahead, snail meters of course. He saw another snail.
"Hi." He said.
"Hi," She said, "Do you know where we are?"
The little slug looked around. the walls around him were high up, the sky was orange and dusky.
"This must be the grand canyon!" He shouted.
"Wow," The girl snail exclaimed, "I've always wanted to travel and Here I've done it without knowing!"
"Will you travel with me?" The snail asked. and she said yes. So they did.
A few years had passed and the two snails went higher into the tree, they stopped on the first big branch and had a family.
"Dad where do we live?" The baby snail asked.
"We're on mount everest!" He cried, "Can't you see the entire world son? We couldn't be anywhere else."
The small snail family didn't travel anymore, they needed to raise the family.
"Dad," The little snail, now a little older, asked, "What were your life goals when you were little?"
"Well son, I wanted to see the world."
"Did you do it?"
The slug, sighed and thought about this for a second.
"Yeah. Yeah I did."
After this thought the young slug left his moist home beneath the mushroom in this natural place. He inched along as slugs usually do. He was young, there was no rush. He had his whole life to see the world.
He came to a tree and went up. He did not know it was a tree for its mass size was far greater than any tree he had ever seen in his entire life. He was burried in the deep grooves of the bark. A few meters ahead, snail meters of course. He saw another snail.
"Hi." He said.
"Hi," She said, "Do you know where we are?"
The little slug looked around. the walls around him were high up, the sky was orange and dusky.
"This must be the grand canyon!" He shouted.
"Wow," The girl snail exclaimed, "I've always wanted to travel and Here I've done it without knowing!"
"Will you travel with me?" The snail asked. and she said yes. So they did.
A few years had passed and the two snails went higher into the tree, they stopped on the first big branch and had a family.
"Dad where do we live?" The baby snail asked.
"We're on mount everest!" He cried, "Can't you see the entire world son? We couldn't be anywhere else."
The small snail family didn't travel anymore, they needed to raise the family.
"Dad," The little snail, now a little older, asked, "What were your life goals when you were little?"
"Well son, I wanted to see the world."
"Did you do it?"
The slug, sighed and thought about this for a second.
"Yeah. Yeah I did."
Hey baby, I think I wanna Marry you.
^^story of my life. (via the tumblr account that I don't have.)
Writing/ sleep over quotes thus far from sydnees house.
"Redbull's for Pussies."
"You and I are getting Emotional over an old notebook."
"I know. How can you not?"
"Oh my god! I wrote in pencil!"
"I know, it's so sad. That's like a sin."
"Why can't I Just shake my head and have all of the words fall out of my ear and onto the paper in the right order.?"
Crappy first part of writing a short story. (I'm not sure if I'll continue this very much. I don't know if I like it. or if it will even go anywhere, but here it is.)
How I go on doing this, letting pieces of who I am just dissipate into thin air I mean, I will never know. There's only so much of myself that I can give. You can only stretch 5 feet, 1 inch and a quarter so far until there's nothing left to give. These feelings of being a shell are harbored from more than not knowing who I am. They stem from knowing who I am without being able to be that person. Watching all of the snails walk by with shells on their backs. Without having a snail inside of you.
I picked up a slug off the ground. He was slimy and disgusting.
"I'm like you. But your opposite. I'm the shell that you need. I've let all of the life out of me."
I sighed and set him back down on the moist patch of grass at the base of the tree that loomed over me.
The bell tower chimed in the distance, marking the hour, meaning it was time for me to leave the small medieval park the city had made in honor of an explorer from long ago. I had been laying beneath an old oak tree off to the side of the main attraction of the park; a large stage built of stone. I never wanted to bring attention directly to myself. I just wanted someone to bring all of their attention to me. I just wanted to feel needed.
My cellular phone buzzed in my purse. I was needed but not in the way that I wanted.
"Hi Cath-"
"Marge, I need one mocha: five pump, no whip, soy. Two soy caramel frappachinos, and a blue berrry scone. On my desk in five." Click.
"My name is margaret." I whispered. But she was already gone.
I am a new intern for a high fashion editorial magazine. I have spent my entire life trying to get my foot into this industry. Little did I know that I would be spending my time getting caffeinated beverages for people who were paid to argue about the difference between ocher and cadmium yellow in a fall collection, and people who were alowed to give you only five minutes to get three beverages and a snack in the busiest starbucks in town.
I loathed them. All of them. The only friend I had in the whole place was another intern. Owen. He was a snail without a shell.
"Margaret! " Owen had a beaming smile on his face when he held the door open for me.
"Can't now O, I'm late and Cathy sounds mad today." I rushed passed.
Owen gave me a weak smile, we were past nice pleasantries. You couldn't truly comfort anyone who had to deal with Cathy, even on a good day.
He kept up with my brisk pace, grabbed doors, and helped me dodge the chaotic traffic that comes with working in a place like this. We had found a comfort in each others silence.
There isn't much to say about Owen. He works here because he needed a job. Truly, he wants to be a journalist. Cover the hard hitting facts, get down to the gritty truth. Instead he has memorized the entire Starbucks menu and every way to alter any drink. He is a great writer, a great journalist. I had read some of his work out of his portfolio one night after work. Both of us had been so wound up over Cathy. That's the quick and dirty story of how we met. Actually, we bonded over the fact that we both had the potential without the opportunity to follow our dreams.
"Marge? Do you have your phone on you by chance?" Cathy was in an even worse mood than I had predicted.
"Uhm, yes." I stumbled over my words. Beads of sweat formed at the nape of my neck. She made me so nervous. It was horrifying.
"Get it out and tell me what time I called you, please." I was in deep trouble. She never said please. Ever.
I fumbled nervously through my bag, almost dropping my smart phone on the ground.
"You called at twelve oh one..."
"And what time is it right now?" Her voice cut through the air like knives.
God this woman is a bitch.
"Twelve fifteen.
"I said you had five minutes. It's been fourteen. Do you see the problem?"
Where am I going with this story? I have no idea. No idea what I'm doing. It's ridiculous. I have all of these great lines swirling through my head. Maybe I should write a book called "Great one lines for descriptive stories." Someone else might be able to figure out how to use my one lines of creative juice.
Buble, cars, memories, and more.
I had a photoshoot on the 25 (yesterday) and boy let me tell you. It was an experience, that I will NEVER forget.
Here's a short rundown of what happened.
I arrived in front of Little Angies (the meeting place that was agreed on) and I saw twelve or fifteen photographers and assumed (correctly) that these were going to be the people who were going to take my pictures. They were all very nice, and wonderful people.
As we started they liked the alley between The DeWietz (Spelling?) building and Little Angies, so we started with pictures there. We got through a few shots and then a man in a suit with sunglasses on and a woman holding around his waist (She had the most beautiful five inch high red slingback stilettos I have ever seen. envy envy envy envy. ) RIDING A SEGWAY. Seriously. No one noticed that it was him at first. (We didn't really notice until it was too late.) He paused and modeled with me for a few seconds, maybe even a MINUTE! AND NO ONE TOOK A PICUTE! Everyone was worried about him GETTING OUT OF MY SHOOT! WHAT THE HECK! it was an interesting experience.
Then we were doing a little bit more high fashion pictures than I had intended, but oh well I want to be a high fashion editorial model anyway. (dream dream dream) And a group of kids walked by, I think I went to elementary with one of them, and they drove past in a car. The one kid that I did know didn't recognize me, and that's fine. It would have been weird if he did recognize me, but they were in a car slowly inching past us and I head them all say things like "Hey, look! it's someone Famous! Get out your camera phone! get out your camera phone! She's famous!"
Can you say EGO BOOST!?!?! I can. And i'm not sure if that 's a good thing, haha.
Then when the second model showed up (he was an actual model, or atleast more of a model than I am, which made me feel a little intimidated) And I was supposed to leave then, but THE PHOTOGRAPHERS WANTED TO DO MORE SHOTS OF ME! can you believe it? I still can't. (another boost to my ego which is doubling in size every day it seems.) And he was ASKING ABOUT ME! HE was asking where I came from, how old and how long I had been doing this! not only that! but they had to POSE HIM! Where I just know my shit and did it all by myself. I am amazing, I don't know how I do it. (Sick, someone please shoot my ego down.) But yeah, and then ANOTHER car went by and the people yelled something. To me it sounded like "Hey! Kenny Chesney!" But what they really said was "Hey! Looking Sexy!" See where I could have heard wrong? Haha, it was just a great experience, and definitely made me feel like I'm ready for the Modeling world. Or atleast it was a great learning experience to help me get the rest of my foot in the door.
The photographers really seemed to like me and everything I had to offer. Blonde hair and all.
They really liked my blonde hair, which is great because I was really worried that my hair color was going to hinder me.
Me Be fore the shoot :) and before Buble showed up (insert wink face)
Here's a short rundown of what happened.
I arrived in front of Little Angies (the meeting place that was agreed on) and I saw twelve or fifteen photographers and assumed (correctly) that these were going to be the people who were going to take my pictures. They were all very nice, and wonderful people.
As we started they liked the alley between The DeWietz (Spelling?) building and Little Angies, so we started with pictures there. We got through a few shots and then a man in a suit with sunglasses on and a woman holding around his waist (She had the most beautiful five inch high red slingback stilettos I have ever seen. envy envy envy envy. ) RIDING A SEGWAY. Seriously. No one noticed that it was him at first. (We didn't really notice until it was too late.) He paused and modeled with me for a few seconds, maybe even a MINUTE! AND NO ONE TOOK A PICUTE! Everyone was worried about him GETTING OUT OF MY SHOOT! WHAT THE HECK! it was an interesting experience.
Then we were doing a little bit more high fashion pictures than I had intended, but oh well I want to be a high fashion editorial model anyway. (dream dream dream) And a group of kids walked by, I think I went to elementary with one of them, and they drove past in a car. The one kid that I did know didn't recognize me, and that's fine. It would have been weird if he did recognize me, but they were in a car slowly inching past us and I head them all say things like "Hey, look! it's someone Famous! Get out your camera phone! get out your camera phone! She's famous!"
Can you say EGO BOOST!?!?! I can. And i'm not sure if that 's a good thing, haha.
Then when the second model showed up (he was an actual model, or atleast more of a model than I am, which made me feel a little intimidated) And I was supposed to leave then, but THE PHOTOGRAPHERS WANTED TO DO MORE SHOTS OF ME! can you believe it? I still can't. (another boost to my ego which is doubling in size every day it seems.) And he was ASKING ABOUT ME! HE was asking where I came from, how old and how long I had been doing this! not only that! but they had to POSE HIM! Where I just know my shit and did it all by myself. I am amazing, I don't know how I do it. (Sick, someone please shoot my ego down.) But yeah, and then ANOTHER car went by and the people yelled something. To me it sounded like "Hey! Kenny Chesney!" But what they really said was "Hey! Looking Sexy!" See where I could have heard wrong? Haha, it was just a great experience, and definitely made me feel like I'm ready for the Modeling world. Or atleast it was a great learning experience to help me get the rest of my foot in the door.
The photographers really seemed to like me and everything I had to offer. Blonde hair and all.
They really liked my blonde hair, which is great because I was really worried that my hair color was going to hinder me.
Me Be fore the shoot :) and before Buble showed up (insert wink face)
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