So I was cleaning out my vanity's drawers. And I have A LOT of notebooks. Like a ridiculous amount. So I was flipping through them, and it's mostly poetry and short ramblings. So get out your tissue boxes and chocolate, I'm about to lay some heavy Sh*t right here. Also get ready for some Cheez.
Title: It's a Lottery baby, roll the dice.
I'm trapped between life and death.
In the middle of screaming and despair.
I want to get out, but it's too late for that.
But the smile stays on my face.
And I get on with my day.
Because I need everyone to believe this lie.
It's the most important thing now.
I can't stop believing it myself.
When the dream subsides,
I'll be dying to get out.
I'm going to runaway just to get away.
Forgive me when I leave.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I didn't want to stand on the sidelines.
And watch as the bully crushed the castles.
It's not that she never cared.
He pushed her to it.
They made me do it.
Please don't cry when you hear the news.
Title: None.
Oh God, It's happening again.
I've lost my balance and I'm falling off of the end.
I had so much potential.
And now I'm down to nothing.
Even the strangers know I'm great.
Oh god, it's like someone pressed replay.
Now they're leaving.
And won't hear what I have to say.
It's for the best.
And I believe in what they're doing.
But I'm to selfish to stop myself from falling.
If the air feels like water, can I swim away?
If the air feels like water will I drown?
And I just realized I don't have my flotation device.
Am I drowning now?
My blood is separating
and I'm still hating
Myself, more and more.
Which finds it's way filtered to the core.
With each day it gets worse and worse.
and ever minute I want to send for the hearse.
Tell it to carry me away.
Don't make me live another day.
Title: If we make it through the night.
It's so hard to see the beauty in life.
When you're constantly surrounded by darkness.
But the shadows are created by the blinding light.
And the miracles are always coincidence.
The moments pass us by.
The flavor of memories never tasted so sweet.
Life is beautiful when you see it with love.
Just for a moment we've fallen out.
So let's jump back in and smell the roses.
They will never smell sweeter, I promise.
Bend down and put your nose where the bees work.
Buzzing so busy, they know how hard men work.
Butterfly's watch lazily from the petals.
They watch the color and joy in the world.
With their flashlights in their eyes.
Displacing the darkness in the world.
They float through beauty.
Only knowing the bitter breeze.
Title: Slumber.
Goodnight fairy princess, sweet dreams too.
And when you dream, dream things true.
Put the sparkle in the sky.
Plant your dream and place it high.
Grow smiles and hope.
Take the stems, tie a rope.
Toss it high and climb to me,
Look around and you will see.
What a different place the world can be.
The sun shines so bright,
birds spread their wings, take flight.
And the sweet warm air,
flows through our hair.
As we perch up here,
and hold so dear
my heart in your hands.
It gently lands
safe on earth.
Curl up on the hearth.
encircled in my arms, so very close.
Kiss my cheek, goodbye morose
feelings.
And fall asleep, make no sound.
While you slumber, I'll be around.
In your sleep you always mutter.
About how butterflies flutter.
And I won't go.
Until I know
And I won't cumber
Knowing you slumber.
Title; Lock the cabinet, you forgot to unload it.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please stop being so sad.
It wouldn't have mattered if you tried,
Because you never saw me when I cried,
The girl you saw there.
So happy, bubbly, without a care.
She'll miss you always, when she's gone.
You'll miss her chit-chat song.
Please don't worry, It's not you're fault.
Forty-two, thirty-six, twenty-two. Unlock my vault.
You'll find my letters, unread.
I wrote them when I was insane in the head.
You couldn't have saved me if you tried.
I'm so sorry about the times I lied.
And since you're reading this,
I'm so sorry,
I didn't miss.
(The numbers in the poem above meant something in real life, I can't remember what. I wish I did.)
Title: ten days.
Ten more days 'till I die.
Nine more days to try.
Eight more days I need a lie.
Seven more days I can't cry.
Six more days I need to buy.
Five more days, a heavy sigh.
Four more days, I'm gonna fly.
Three more days I've stopped asking why.
Two more days I went to that place you live by.
One more day I tied the rope, oh my.
No more days. I die.
This is an excerpt of a story I had been writing a long time ago.
"My vision was beginning to blur. My eyes opened, and closed slower and slower with each blink. I felt my breathing stop. I didn't try to keep myself breathing. There was no point. It had to end sometime. Why not now? I didn't see why not. My friends are going to due sometime too, and maybe someday they will hate me. It doesn't matter any more. Everything that had led up to this, Everything that had mattered doesn't matter anymore. I slowly let myself face away. With every second passing the more I was passing. I couldn't wait. Before I was totally gone a small smile crept onto my face. I was finally slipping away. I'm not sure, but death seems almost pleasant. "I will not die, I'll wait here for you..." I whispered before I was gone.
^Spoiler, She didn't really die.
[...]The beauties leaked out of me.
Now there's nothing left to see.
But if you wish to see, wish for me.
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