Broken.

This was an entry that I sent in for 2009 Young Authors Contest.

Every story starts with the beginning. But what is my beginning? From what was I created, and what purpose do I serve? In the beginning I was nothing more than a glimmer in the sky. The dazzle in the heavens. I shot across the universe leaving beauty in it's purest form, scattered behind me.
I do not remember how it was I came to be what I am today. I do however remember my first memory of being here. In this shadow of Eden. The night I started to live, the same day I started to die.
I awoke from that same dream I have almost every night of my life. Although this time , I think, it was different. I have seen it so many times. Played again, and again in my head. I see the car coming towards me. the lights blinding me. I trip in confusion and fall into the car. Then I die. However, for some odd reason, I could see into the car this time. I saw her. She was in the drivers seat. Her blank pale blue eyes bore into mine. as she did not attempt to stop. She stared at me and hit me. I died; as usual, that part was expected.
I awoke screaming hysterically, my pillow suffocating some of my screams. Sweat trickled down my back. I was gasping, my lungs for the moment had forgotten how to do their job.
The door creaked open. I heard her exhale an anxious sigh, "Wynter are you okay?" She asked cautiously. She was always being cautious with me, as if i were always on the verge of going insane right in front of her.
She sneaked over, gently placing a hand on my head, and she lightly stroked my hair.
"it will be okay," she whispered continually to me. "but it came out sounding more as if she was just reassuring herself.Then again, nothing was going to be okay.Nothing was ever going to be fine. Summer was gone, and it was my fault. Moreover, my subconscious would never let me rest.Not even in my dreams.
I gently nudged my mom aside. and she knew that I needed to be alone for awhile. and she walked away without saying a word, leaving me to my thoughts. The thoughts that were always getting my mind in trouble. The ones with all of the great pitches, but all of the wrong actions.
I could not fall asleep, however, that fact does not matter considering I would not let myself fall asleep. Because once i did, my dreams would plague me. Therefore, I lay there, with my knees to my chin and my arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I bit down on my lip, pleading my eyes not to tear up and ruin my pillow with the salt water that would soon cascade down my face. My knuckle was the next thing to go into my mouth. The more I wanted to scream, the harder i bit down. No one would ever know how I felt. No one would know how loud I screamed.
Soon after minutes of quiet control of my feelings I heard a soft pitter-patter tapping on my window. My Favorite weather, rain. I slowly unwrapped one of my arms from around my middle and slowly lifted my arm, shakily, to the window right above my head. I struggled to unlatch the locks on the window, my fingers slipped and my hands shook.
The crisp clean air immediately flowed into my room. I sat up, my arms clutched my sides. I pressed my face against the screen and sucked in all of the air my damaged lungs would allow, and that wasn't much. I was still gasping, almost choking really.
The rain softly hit my face and I saw the droplets stick to the square holes in the screen. I took my free hand, the one that wasn't glued to my side for protection, and slowly slid my fingers against the places where the rain had hit. Soon I fell asleep there, with one hand against the window and the other fused to my side.
I awoke a few hours later. The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon to the east. The birds were chirping and splashing in the cheap birdbath that mom got for mothers-day last year. I wanted to fade away or at least drift back into the dreamless slumber my forgiving unconscious had allowed last night. My body would not let me though. I pried my hand away from my waist; it was numb from being wrapped around me so tightly all night. My window was still open and my windowsill was damp from the rain last night.
Last night. Those words rang through my head. My nightmare came flooding back to me now, ever detail nailed me with precision. Moreover, I felt like i was going to break all over again. Nevertheless, I took in deep breathes and slowly made my way to the bathroom. Once inside I went straight to the mirror to get a good look at myself.
I saw the same girl I always saw. I saw the daughter, who was hiding depression. I saw the sister, who tried to make a good impression. I saw the murderer, who did not mean to kill her victim. I saw the victim, the girl whose dreams had been crushed unsuspected. I saw my sister, her cold blue eyes staring back at me with no emotion. I saw myself, staring back with horror.
I tried to suppress all of the emotion  that was building inside. No, I told myself, you cannot break now. Not now. I looked myself in the eyes, her eyes, and repeated it. But nothing worked.
"I'm broken." I whispered as I faded into the fallen depths of my mind. "Broken."


I apologize greatly for spelling errors and grammar errors and punctuation errors. It's one am . what can you really expect?
I'm going to sleep.
Good nigth.